This post has no name

After I posted last week, I instituted a new approach to help Kamden with his anxiety. I completely stole it from someone I follow on Instagram.  She's kind of famous and kind of like someone popular in high school (except that she seems like a very nice person) that I admire from afar. 

Anyway, it appears that they use a reward system to help fight anxiety. It got me to thinking. I was taking the approach that this was out of Kamden's control. What if we turned this around and taught him that he has some control over this?

This was after we made a decision, a hard one, to have him miss his best buddy's birthday party because it involved seeing the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. He knew it would haunt him at bedtime, the bad guys, the fighting, etc. It wasn't an easy decision but we thought if we could avoid adding to his anxiety, it was the right decision.

So what did he worry about that night instead? That his friend would be upset that he didn't come to the party. *facepalm*

(Exhibit A: found on my phone - goofball)

I may or many not have lost my s--t at that point. My conclusion was that he was going to worry no matter what. I mean, sometimes he is just anxious about being anxious, for goodness sake.  

That's it, we have to take the power away from the anxiety. He had to take control.  So what better way to have a kid take control than by providing a reward? We must use a language that speaks to them. That in itself is a sad state of affairs but that's another post. I may write it too....helicopter parenting is failing us. I work with the adults it creates. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

 

We are now over two weeks into the reward.  It's $5 a night. His anxiety always hits at bedtime complete with dizziness and a look on his face, not unlike the one below, no wait that his deadpan look, not quite the same.

He gets $5 for every night he can fight the anxiety and go to sleep without excessive worry.  The "worry" involves coming into our room after we have all gone to bed upset about the anxiety du jour - examples include but are not limited to:  he has a major health problem (the same night he ran for two hours straight at football practice....um no, you are fine), something will happen to Mom and Dad (we are good dude, no worries), scary noises in his room (house shifting, car doors outside etc), school (pick random worry and insert here) etc.... lather, rinse, repeat.

(we ran a 5 km race a bit back, at least we ran some of it)

It was something new every night. Oh yeah, then there was my epic parenting fail.  EPIC.  It's possible this entire anxiety thing could be blamed on me.

I shouldn't even write about it here. Maybe. Oh what the hell. It's sort of funny. In a I suck as a mom kind of way.

This summer, we lost Jay's dad.  It was sudden and it hit Kamden pretty hard. He hasn't dealt with death yet in his young life except when my cat died and my parents dog which I think we can all agree is not quite the same thing.

One day, he came down while I was working to relay something that happened that he couldn't figure out. He was putting the stuffed animals he sleeps with back into his bed before he made it one morning. He grabbed one, leaving the other at the end of the bed. When he turned back around to grab the last one, it was gone.

He found it in his hamper.

I had no explanation and so without thinking (me? speak without thinking?  So out of character for me) I said oh maybe Granddaddy was messing with you.

I mean, I watch Long Island Medium, it could totally happen, right? And it would so be something in character for Jay's dad. One of his favourite words was buffoonery after all. 

(Exhibit B - buffoonery defined)

So yeah. Not a good thing to tell a 10 year old boy, in case you were wondering. About a month later, he came to in tears me as I was falling asleep saying maybe it's Granddaddy making all the scary noises he hears when he's trying to fall asleep. That was my first clue about the epic parenting fail. Yes, I am slow on the uptake.

After much reassurance and the use of the word buffoonery several times, I convinced him that his granddaddy would NEVER try to scare him. EVER.

Mess with him to make him laugh, absolutely, but the noises are just the house, or possibly his overactive imagination or its paranormal activity that I am too old to hear or something.... Oops. I went too far again, didn't I?  Kidding, I didn't say the part about the paranormal activity.  This time.

The are several morals points  here:

- I didn't cause the anxiety with my fail (it was already gaining its own momentum) but I did exasperate it exponentially
- he does have control or at least some control because we are well over two weeks without a late night of excessive worry. He is always a bit apprehensive at bedtime but we each have to think of at least two good things that make us happy before I hug him goodnight. That gives him something else to focus on. Take that,  "worry".
- he takes some awesome pictures that make me smile daily. See Exhibit A through C:

(Exhibit C)

I might be married to a human giraffe.

Now that's something to worry about.

(I take his anxiety very seriously. I may have made up this system of dealing with it but it seems to be working for now. I am also saving for future therapy costs as Plan B.)

Momma Smack Down

See that?  That is music to my eyes.

The boys received their report cards this past Tuesday. I won't get into details but someone, not mentioning any names, hasn't cracked a book all year.

He still squeaked onto the honour roll.  I have no idea how.  Horseshoes maybe?
And he also failed to meet his reading goal.

He is normally a straight A student.  He hasn't had to work very hard thus far but he's now in grade 7.  Things are getting more challenging and rather than adjusting his study habits (which right now are nil nada none) he is coasting.

This momma laid down the law.

You might think I am being harsh but here's the thing.  This type of work ethic will get you no where fast in life never mind high school and post-secondary education.

Not to mention on my watch, everyone will give full effort.  If you try your best, you are successful. Period. End of story.

You get the picture.

Here is where I have to confess our part in this.  You see this is not all his doing.  Oh no. We are the adults in the household and these adults got lazy.

The hours of screen time had reached an all time high here at Chez Lahti. 

I kept justifying it with the fact that they were doing well in school, were reasonably active and still have friends. No one wants their kids to end up loners who play videos games alone in the basement all day and night.

And it's a constant battle.  The battle of screen time.  Kids today (and adults) are glued to a screen. It doesn't matter which type....it's all the same. We are turning into screen zombies

So the smack down happened. Our boys both have earn screen time now.  They can earn it by reading a book (remember those?), doing homework, physical activity, yard work, practicing piano.

At first they were appalled.  We were the meanest parents ever (we are for the record, and I am cool with that).

However, after almost a week, I am amazed at the change. They are proud of the reading and practicing they have done to earn their screen time and they are self policing their screen time.

And we have had more conversations, more laughs, more time together than we have for a long time.

I was a wonderful wake up call.  It was needed both for us and for the boys.

So we are planning sticking to it.  I hope we do.

Kamden takes up Running

*alternate title: this blog has not (yet) shut down for good

Hi! Remember me?  That's okay, I have been been neglecting my blogging hobby something fierce lately both on the writing side and on the reading side.

This used to come so easily to me, this over sharing for more people than I likely should have been sharing with.   For whatever reason, it doesn't anymore.

Anywho, a bit of an update on us, for two of you that might stumble by.

Kamden is in grade 4 this year and it's the first year he is eligible to participate in extracurricular sports.  The first one that came up was Cross Country running. I was pleasantly surprised when he signed up. He has never had any interest in running and the last 5km walk we signed up for resulted in him throwing a tantrum and walking slower than a snail for the entire distance. So he was 5 years old, that's not the point.  Okay maybe that's the point. Whatever.

I went to watch the first race because I wasn't so sure it wouldn't be the last.  It was smoking hot that day and he managed to finish about 36th place or something.  Out of over a hundred kids.  I couldn't have been more proud. He said to me after it was done, "Mom, that was hard. But it will be easier next time, right?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him that no, it would never be easier because you always try to go faster.  Welcome to running, son, you will never be satisfied and will always strive for more.

He has since raced 2 more times and has managed to improve each time. He hasn't mentioned whether it got easier though. I am going to assume, no.

Jay and I were signed up for a night run this past Friday and when I mentioned it, he wanted to do it too. What the hay, I said, it's 5km.  He can do it.

We managed to fit a couple 3.25 km runs in before the race (he was training for Cross Country too).  Race day came and we met up with another couple, Terry-Lyn and Kent, to run.  It was a fun run with no timing chips and it involved "glowing".  We hit the dollar store and were definitely under-glowed compared to others.

I know his eyes are closed but it cracks me up.  This is sooooo him.

Jay stuck with him since the rest of us got separated in the mass of people at the start.  Once we finished (in about 27:22 or so - fastest 5k ever for me - it's been a busy running year, post sometime soon on that) I looked at my phone and Jay had texted an update as to where they were on the course. They were not far from the finish so I started walking back along the course and before I knew it, there they were.

As we neared the finish, the rest of us couldn't keep up to him. He was all about being done already and sprinted in to the finish.

He ran it in about 31 min. Turns out they took a short cut accidentally so the distance was not quite 5k but it was a least 4.5.  Not to mention he only took one walk break (I am in awe!) 26 min into the race.

So so proud of you, Kamden!

Next year, he'll no doubt pass me and I'll eat his dust. I am okay with that though.

To finish, some photos of the cousins on Jay's side. I might be bias but we make ridiculously good looking kids, no? 

The idea for this pose was all Dana's.

And pumpkins because, well, why not?

Till next time, keep fit and have fun!

What We've Been Up To

Tap, tap, tap...blows off dust. So, a month has gone by again. Remember when I used to blog every day? Yeah me too. *shudders involuntarily*

We've been busy here at the Lahti house.

My camera has been in overdrive with some fall photo shoots.  I even forced my own two men to pose.

 

Mostly they were happy to.  You will see what I mean later.

 

 

Jack is having a good year in grade 6.  He's also continuing in piano and enjoying private lessons much more than the class he attended up until last year.  Who doesn't love one on one instruction?

 

However, the one downside is that we discovered there is a situation that has been ongoing since sometime last year at school.  It's helped us to understand where his behaviour at home has been coming from. Naturally I feel like an arse because our approach was so, so wrong.  I am so glad it's come out and we can deal with it in a more appropriate manner.

 

I love this kid more than words can say.  He has so many many amazing qualities and I think one of his classmates put it best in their nomination of Jack to win the award for Respect this month at school:

 

"I nominate Jack because he never makes fun of other people."

 

Hmmm.  So what you are confirming is that other kids in the class do.  Duly noted.  And to all you kids who make fun of other kids, just wait until you are an adult and your peers finally figure out that the reason you did that was because you didn't like yourself all that much and it was the only way to make yourself feel better.  Uh huh.  See how far that gets you in the real world.

 

Meanwhile Jack will be travelling through time in the machine he invented because he spent his time learning in school instead of being a complete butt head.

 



 

Then there is Kamden.  I love this photo because is shows his crazy, fun, make us laugh regularly side.  This year he is continuing his love of all things sports.  He played touch football earlier in the fall and is now fully entrenched in the indoor soccer season.

 

He moved up an age category this fall and had to go through assessments for the first time, though we were told that all kids in their first year would be in Division 2.  We took him to the assessments anyway because he will never pass up the opportunity to play.  Turns out he was selected for Division 1.  Talk about a moment of pride.  Long story short, his coach and the parents of the other boys selected for Division 1 decided to hold them back into Division 2 so the team could stay together with the coach.  This coach is half the reason Kamden is so good so it was an easy decision.

 

Kamden is also doing well in school.  And another moment of pride.  One of Kamden's soccer buddies is also in the other grade 3 class at school.  His mother informed me Monday that this child is being bullied by another child.  Hence where the "situation" came out with Jack. Another reason I do not believe in avoiding the discussion of difficult situations in front of the kids.  You just never know when something will spark a conversation that is important.  Anyway, I asked Kamden to seek out his buddy at recess and invite him and the bully to join him.  The bully "plays" with the buddy and tries to keep everyone away.  It seems to be working.  Crossing fingers.  This little guy is a bully for a reason and I just hope the school can work with the family to get to the root of the problem.  His behaviour makes me (an accountant!) think he is screaming out for help.

 

Long winded today, aren't I?

 

 

Okay, less yammering on about my wonderful kids (sorry but they are, can I help it?) and more pictures.  I told you my camera was busy.  This family is on their third year with me and I couldn't be happier to do photos for them.  Kamden is very successful in making this adorable guy laugh which is so helpful.

 

 

And guess what?  He is also very effective at getting Pop to smile too!  Score.  Now if we could just figure out how to have him in the same picture as Pop and also be behind the camera making Pop smile. 

 

 

Can't have everything, now can we?  At least all 11 of us are in the picture and looking at the camera.  About all we can ask for I think.  And it only took 120 shots to get this one good one.  I wish I were kidding.  A professional I am not.

 

 

My niece, Anna, was up for posing for many a shot and this is by far my favourite.  I told her to sit in the grass and instead she did this.  I think she may take over the family photographer gig in the very near future and in the meantime she can be my assistant.

 

 

The next day, we tried for a shot of the four of us. This one was one of the test shots I took before I forced the boys out to join us. It's not bad.

 

 

Minus the wind blown look I am sporting, I like this one too.  It will have to do as there is no way we'll get another session out of those two.

 

Christmas card photo done and calendar is nearly complete.   Two things off the list.

 

This past weekend, I did some maternity shots of my massage therapist/yoga instructor.  Personally, I think she is the hottest pregnant lady in the history of all pregnant ladies.  37.5 weeks and she looks that good?  If I had looked half as good at 5 months. By this point, I looked like I might explode if you poked my belly button.

 



 

I was encouraging her to get professional photos done but she wasn't sure. I offered because this had to be captured permanently.  I would have forced her if I had to.

 

 

I love my hobby.

 

 

*end monthly long winded blog post about nothing in particular*

 

PS I can point out 100 things wrong with each of my photos, so whatever you are thinking about them, yes, I know.  I am not a professional nor do I profess to be. 

June, the Rest of the Story and Well July too

Another month gone, another birthday celebrated.  Kamden turned 8 and we celebrated in between his end of the season flag football and soccer tournaments.  He slept really good that weekend as you can imagine.

We almost had a tornado too.  Nothing touched down but we had these really neat clouds (Mammatus clouds) which only appear after a tornado type storm.

Pretty neat and much less frightening than the cloud I was driving towards that looked like it was forming a very large funnel.  It didn't, thank goodnesss.

I also prepared for and passed the practical portion of my personal training certification.  It's all done, I am certified and on ward ho.  It was stressful but so worth it.  I am looking forward to this new addition to my life.

I also bit the bullet and traded in my Blackberry for an iPhone.  I was skeptical but I am a full convert.  I just couldn't believe how much better it could be but it really is.  Email and internet are 100 times better and makes my work use of the phone so much easier.

And the camera kicks my Blackberry camera's butt to Portugal.

I got all dudded up to go out and celebrate my birthday with a good friend.  Also a busy friend.  It took us two months to find a day that worked for both of us.  Life is full and busy and good.

And we laughed till we cried.  Twice.

There ain't nothing better.



And that brings us to July.  The weather has been unbelievable and on the weekend we hit the beach to enjoy it.  We ran into Jack's good buddy from school and the boys got a tube ride out of the deal.  Living less than an  hour from about a dozen beaches is something for sure.

It's been a great summer so far, here's to the rest of summer.

Melancholy

Be yourself. Be who you are.

What if who you are needs work?

Is it possible to be who you are and still be better?

(in case you were wondering, my head hurts)

Lessons. Learned the hard way. Forgotten. Re-learned, though never fully and completely. An endless cycle of futility.

So easy to fall into old habits.

I am an adult, yet not quite grown up. I am never quite as mature as I hope to be.

Buttons. Easily pushed. Never quite rise above.

When I was a kid, I thought adults had all the answers. Now I know the truth. All we have are more questions.

Insecurities. Striving for more but it’s hard and I want to quit. Others do it better. Maybe I have peaked.

I don’t always feel this way, thank goodness.

But today is one of those days, this week, one of those weeks. This too shall pass and if I learn something and become a better person, all the better.

Domesticity

I go in spurts. I am 3 parts lazy, one part get at it and get things done. Most weeks, I work the weekdays as the paying job and that leaves me with just enough energy to exercise and keep the house from imploding (barely and that is with a lot of Jay's help).

But for some reason (maybe it was the lack of a long training run) this weekend, I had mojo and then some.

Saturday afternoon had all three of my boys busy. Jack was gone to a birthday party sleepover (awakeover?) and Jay and Kamden went to the football game.

Jack was pretty funny when he asked all worried like, "But Mom, what are you going to do?"

Not to worry son, an afternoon to myself? Sign me up.

I had me some farm fresh raspberries delivered to me by my Auntie Sharen that were frozen and waiting for some jam making.

Kamden and I love us some raspberry jam and it just plain tastes better when I make it from fresh raspberries myself. I make freezer jam because it's even easier.

The jars look so pretty all lined up in a row. I was even inspired to pick up the camera, wonders never cease. We won't talk about how long it has been, m'kay?

I also had me a box of fresh tomatoes from my parent's garden. It was a small box perfect for a batch of pizza sauce. So I got me to the sink and washed the jars and set them to simmering whilst I prepared the sauce.

I don't even peel the tomatoes, it all goes in (see that is the 3 parts lazy again). I don't worry about keeping the skin because these are organic - my parents plant them and water them and that would be it.

I just toss the completed sauce into the food processor and behold smooth sauce with no chunks of unidentified objects for Picky McPickerson #1 and #2.

And this took me all afternoon. I work slow but diligently. And I earned this glass of wine, in my opinion. It went very nicely with the Greek feta chicken and lemon roast potatoes that I whipped up for supper.

There is something so innately satisfying about cooking and canning. It brings out my inner farm girl - some kind of recessive genes for sure!

Look at me, all grown up like and all.

Down a Life, or Three

Our Saturday was typical. My parents were in town to watch Kamden play soccer the night before and left just after lunch.

It was a beautiful day and Jack and Kamden had energy to burn so I told them to go outside and play. Lord knows we get a handful of winter days where it's not so cold you lose appendages in minutes. It's a simple situation of enjoying them when you can. And by you, I mean them. Not me. Double standard? Damn straight.

Kamden took the bait. Jack, well he takes after me. Nothing short of a threat to his life will make him venture out.

I asked Kamden if he would walk down to the end of the street to get the mail. He said he couldn't do it by himself.

No worries said Jay, he will go along with him.

Kamden is ready before Jay and heads outside.

This is not big deal. He is 6 and half years old. He knows the rules. He stays in the yard, off the street, yadda yadda.

Jay gets dressed and I hear him say he can't find the mail key. I yell that it likely fell somewhere - it is small and constantly getting lost. He takes my keys which have a second mail key.

A few minutes later, as I am dusting the living room (annual event! there were balloons and everything!) I see Jay standing on the sidewalk looking perplexed. He mouths he can't find Kamden.

I run to the front door (side actually if you want to be technical) and open it. He can't find him. I throw on my coat and a pair of shoes (boots, flip flops? who knows by this point?) and run out.

We. can't. find. him. anywhere.

He is not in the front yard. He is not in the back yard. There was fresh snow but I could not see foot prints.

It may have been 2 minutes. It felt like 20 hours.

We run into the house and yell. We yell outside.

He is no where.

I am using my I am freaking right the hell out here and can't stop panicking voice (you should hear it, it's nothing short of awesome).

I check everywhere I can think of. So does Jay.

Finally Jay runs down the street. There is Kamden at the damn mailbox. Which, for the record we cannot see from our house because the street curves. Apparently we also very swift that it took us that long to clue in to look there. In our defense, he usually means what he says. He said he wasn't going so I presumed he didn't.

I am down at least three lives. And also, we now know where the mail key was. Detectives, we are not.

I know the terror that parents feel when the possibility that one of their children is gone forever feels. It was literally 2 minutes and I kept thinking, here it is, the moment that will forever change my life. The moment in time that will split my life into two parts. Before and after.

Yet despite that, fully expecting him to pop up at any moment. I have the privilege of knowing the relief of finding him. So many parents never know that relief.

To say I am grateful is an understatement.

Mental note, just because he says he isn't going to do something, doesn't mean he won't.

After he was found, he and Jay build a snowman. It was so warm he decided he had to pose in his T-shirt. And I let him. Wonders never cease.

Also, notice the level of the snow compared to the car. We have had a LOT of snow here in Saskabush.

God I love this kid. Plain and simply, I cannot imagine life without him.

Completely unrelated! Practicing his speech. He, apparently, has a lisp. I, personally, think it is part of his charm.

Jack was doing some homework on the computer while all this was going down. He started running around the house yelling for Kamden too.

Then after he says, he wasn't worried at all. Uh huh, sure buddy, whatever you say.

To state the obvious, I gave Kamden a little further instruction on telling us if he is going somewhere before he leaves. Explaining that Mommy gets a tad bit worried when I don't know where he is.

Mommy can only handle one heart failure a year. Max.

The TV That Temporarily Came To Be

My husband had a dream. This guy who asks for so little that is materialistic. But this he wanted.

A flat screen TV of the ginormous size.

He hummed and hawed. For years.

This Fall I told him to go and buy it already for the love of Pete.

One day, a few weeks later, he calls me from Best Buy telling me to bring the van.

He finally made a decision!

We set it up - which given we have a fake fire place brick wall for a TV holder was no small feat (don't ask!) - and enjoyed it.

Until today.

Around 2pm this afternoon I was working away in my office while the boys played in the family room just outside my door. No school today - they pretty much get every second Friday off. I am pretty sure the school board is training them to be government employees.

So Kamden comes in and asks me to come look at the TV. I find this odd since it wasn't on but go to investigate.

I see this.

Should we look a little closer?

Apparently, a plastic connector to one of their foam fort sets when flying through the air. Accidentally.

Somehow, I was very calm. Shock probably. I didn't even yell once. I did, however, try to turn it on.

It fizzled. Loudly. No picture.

Quickly, I turned it off and as I wandered back into my office (the shock again) muttered, "Way to go boys, you just wrecked a $1,000 TV."

Guess who's college funds are going to be a little (a lot) leaner in the very near future?

So...

I was uploading some pictures to Flickr today and I found this one of my boys. I forget how little they once were.

Oh my word. The baldness. The cute glasses. The bruise under Kamden's left eye.

The memories! Yes, even the bruise brings back fond memories. Kamden is that kind of kid. Bruises were par for the course.

It is kind of unbelievable how quickly the time has gone. That was June 2006.

Now it is January 2011. Four and half years later.

You may have noticed I haven't been around to visit your blog as much lately. Or not.

I started working 80% full time last week. It is fun and challenging and scary all at the same time.

It is also making me reflect on how crazy lucky I have been and continue to be. I am still working from home for the same organization I have been doing contract work with for the last 5 plus years, just doing different things.

I would not trade these last 5 years for all the successful careers in China. Not that I am not successful in my career, I just took a really different non-focused on my career sort of path, if that makes any sense.

I was home for that brief blip in time when my two little men were small. That is a gift that I have and will never regret for a nanosecond.

The fact that it has now led to further opportunities has me wondering how I got so lucky.

And also making me laugh because basically my New Year's resolution for 2011 was to work more.

What the?

Again, With the Random

So I have no post material. No ideas. Even less motivation. But here I am trying to post. I lost my mojo. I am blaming the lack of comments. It can't possibly be my fault. How could it?

I used to regularly get around 20 comments per post. TWENTY. Now, if I get ten I am rocking it. I wonder why no one likes me anymore but this shouldn't be a pity party, who wants to read that?

The lack of dinging in my email has me here, rambling about nothing. Frankly I am boring myself by this point. Enough about that except I must first give a big shout out to my peeps (how lame do I sound trying to be all cool? Yes, pretty lame.) who regularly or irregularly comment. I greatly appreciate it. M'wah, giant air kiss and hug!

On to bigger and more annoying things. Like the fact that my thyroid has decided to start underpeforming. All kinds of awesome. It's still normal but it's dropped and because my body already annihilated my ovaries, it's pretty safe to assume it's now targeting my thyroid. I don't really need my ovaries but my thyroid is kind of nice, you know?

Don't worry, I got over my funk about that pretty quick. In the grand scheme of things, it's no big deal but it's still a bit hard to hear that your own body is kind of letting you down. At least, it is for me.

Speaking of my ovaries (really, were we? no wonder I don't post anymore) I came to realize that I really am at peace with my life. I feel fulfilled by my career, my fitness commitment and most importantly by my family. My boys are so much fun and don't "need" me like they once did. Once you come out the other side you can find yourself again and you didn't even realize you were missing. My identity has become mine again. It's not just Jack and Kamden's mom but it's Kami, who is many things, one of which is Jack and Kamden's mom. That might sound a bit selfish but I'll be honest, I don't honestly believe solely being a mother can be completely fulfilling to anyone. It's like all things, it requires a balance. I feel like right now, all the balls are in the air and I've got things under control. Dear Murphy, ignore me, there is nothing you need to see here. Move along. Thanks.

Stay tuned. Maybe I'll get my mojo back for blogging or at least keep posting random photos with words that say nothing. How can you resist?