15-Love & 40-Love

I have been looking quite forward to my 40th birthday. I am not overly sure why but I think it's partly because I am pretty content with where I am in my life. And because of my new goal to practice regular gratitude, here is my listing on this my fortieth birthday:
 
Husband, partner, best friend and fantastic dad? Check.

Kids, that which I always knew I wanted. Check.

Extended immediate (think about it, it makes sense) family that's awesome. Check.

Career/job that I love. Check.

Financial security. Check. 

Good friends. Check.

Minimal regrets. Check.

There might be a few regrets but most are more like wishes that things could have been different. After 40 years, that's probably to be expected.

So here is to 40 years young.

To celebrate, Jay planned a nice dinner with a few close girl friends this past weekend. I am an introvert. A big surprise party is not my thing. This dinner? Perfect.

 

Jay acted as chauffeur so that we could all responsibly indulge in the adult beverages. The location was our favourite restaurant.  We indulged in (what we considered) expensive wine and an amazing 6 course meal. You'll note that there are not 6 courses pictured above.  I missed taking pictures of two of the courses. I was too busy laughing and eating and drinking.

As an aside, I am still dreaming of that scallop (top left). And I thought I didn't like scallops. Converted! I think I was like 12 last time I tried them so.... 

Oh yeah and there was the oyster choking incident.  Mental note, easy on the horseradish when you are going to try to let it slide down your throat.  Horseradish on the back of the throat = choking Kami. And those I still don't like. Similar to the clam slithering down my throat incident of 1985.

And that wine.  It was worth every cent.  

These girls.  Well they made my night. We are all super busy people and I am so grateful they could take the time to celebrate with me.  They might be gorgeous on the outside, but more importantly, they are beautiful people on the inside.


 

It was perfect.  Thank you Christie, Leah, Terry-Lyn and Michelle (who was there is spirit from NYC).

Jay and I are also celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary.   It's a big year.
He and I had our time together in Jamaica and after all these years, we still seem to really like each other.

I fully realize what a blessing that is and try not to take it for granted.




Happy Fifteenth Anniversary Jay! My only wish is for many many more.

Formal Gratitude

I just did a really quick trip to Vancouver for a work meeting and retirement dinner. I was dreading going because this past year, I have travelled more than I ever have in my entire life. And me, I am a homebody with a capital H. I was looking forward to seeing everyone because that's a no brainer but the plane rides and airport time I could do without.

Part of the day was spent in a workshop talking about uncertainty. There is lots of this right now as our profession goes through a huge change. It's one I support but it will likely mean changes for me professionally. I don't consciously feel like I am stressing about this but I have suffered more headaches the last 6 months than ever so perhaps I am subconsciously.

Anyway, that's not what this about. What I was reminded of during the workshop is that we can't focus on what we don't know but what we do. And when we choose to focus on something, it should be the positive. At one point, the facilitator asked if we practiced gratitude journaling. I didn't raise my hand but then later I realized that I do. I just don't write it down. I think of things all the time and I often post them on FB (which I have been avoiding lately but that's a whole other story).

Instead, I am going to dust this here space off and write down things I am grateful for on a weekly more frequent basis.

Here goes nothing.  Or something.  The verdict is still out.

1. Cherry blossoms. Where have you been all my life? Very glad they were still blooming when I got off the train yesterday. A photos was taken and sent to a good friend because this stuff has to be shared with those we love.  Also? The sun was shining and it was gorgeous out.
 

 

2.  The people I work with. I don't talk about my job here ever (because obviously!)  but I will make an exception here. I work with a group of people who believe in team work and believe in a positive, supportive work environment. I have experienced the opposite of that and I appreciate the current situation so much more as a result. 

 

3.  My job.  I don't think this is news. I work from home doing something I love.  I am here for my kids.  Enough said. The uncertainty, well, it will sort itself out. I have faith. (Headaches, you hear me?! Bugger off, things are fine.)

 

3.  Having a good hard laugh with a friend.  The kind that makes stop breathing and tears come to your eyes.  All he said was, "Do you  mind if I touch that?"  I don't know why we both laughed till we cried but we did.  That which he wanted to touch was a cast iron tea pot my tea came in at dinner last night.  I think perhaps both our minds hit the gutter there but sometimes, you gotta go there. Equally amusing where the befuddled looks of our colleagues as they somehow didn't find it as funny. 

 

4.  Friends that get you. That understand you when you are venting about things that might be slightly petty.  They listen, support and provide prospective.  

 

5. This quote:

 

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

 

Theodore Roosevelt

 

 It really resonated with me. I will stop worrying about the judgement of others.  The reality is that I am flawed and human and imperfect and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.  Myself included. 

 

Next up, my fortieth birthday.  Can't. hardly. wait.

 

 



Gratitude Squared

Remember when I was waiting a biopsy on my thyroid.  Yeah that was a long time ago, wasn't it?

As I waited for the biopsy, I went through some stuff.  The grouchies would be a mild adjective to describe it.  I offended a few people with a FB post in the process.  Not my best moment but hey, those who have taken the time to get to know me realize that wasn't me and it was a mistake.  Last I checked, we all make mistakes.

The biopsy involved six or seven needles to the throat.  Jay came with me and as usual, was my rock.

It was uncomfortable and sore and all the things you would think but by the next morning, it was all gone.

 

Then we waited and I kind of forgot that I was waiting to find out if I had the C-word.  For some weird reason, I had more trouble with the time before the biopsy.  I can't explain it other than work has been very busy and it occupied me.  I had no time to think and dwell  and that was a good thing I guess.

 

Until the day before I was to find out the results. Then I started getting a bit stressed.

 

 

 

Jay again came with me to get the results.  You know for everyone's safety.  As we sat there waiting I could barely breathe.  I had tried to tell myself it wouldn't be a big deal either way.  We'll deal with it. In a strange method to calm myself, I was actually looking forward to a day or two off work to accommodate the surgery.

 

I know.

 

You do weird things in these situations. 

 

The doctor walked in and checked his computer and said those two wonderful words that I wasn't sure I could hear, "It's negative."

 

And then I stopped holding my breath.

 

I made it all the way out of the building before I collapsed into Jay's arms in a puddle of tears.

 

Then I called my mom and we started all over again.

 



I do not know why I was one of the lucky ones who dodges the C-bullet.  I shake my head still. 

 

What I do know is that I have so much to be grateful for far beyond this one blip on the radar.  I won't always be this lucky but I will always be grateful for what I have.

 

Jay.  He brings out the best in me and loves me despite my million and one faults.  I thank my lucky stars every day for that day in June twenty years ago when we met.  

 

My boys.  They do not know much about any of this other than there was something in my throat being checked.   We didn't want them to worry until there was something to worry about.  I am so glad to be their mom.

 

My parents.  They are always there when I need them. I couldn't ask for more.

 

My friends.  You cannot pick your family but you sure can pick your friends and I have some of the best around.

 

Life is busy and good and I am beyond grateful for every single moment.

 

xoxox