Parenting. It's Harder than I Thought

There is a part of parenting that is rarely spoken about. I certainly refrain from writing about it here for the most part. But as time goes by, I realize that I must speak about it. It's just the honest truth and it shouldn't be anything to be ashamed about. It just is. So here I go.

I have two sons.

They are, for the most part, polar opposites and have been since birth. Dare I say even before birth.

One was breech. The other was not.
One is easy going. One is not.
One is ready to try new things. The other is not.
One challenges my parenting skills daily. The other does not.
One is set in his ways, much like a crotchety old man (Hell hath no fury like this son when his routine is upset). The other is not.

Does this make one easier to love than the other?
Absolutely not. I can't help but love each of them for their good qualities. The good qualities that I have spoken about here ad nauseum. But it is all easy peasy lemon squeezy (as these boys of mine like to say)?

That would be HELL to the no.

You see, one of my sons is more like me than I care to admit. The mere suggestion of anything from me brings full on revolt. Anarchy even. We joke to each other that homeschooling would result in me having no hair and him leaving home by age nine.

I think we clash because we are too alike.

(Here's the part where my parents nod their heads vigorously and laugh with vengeance that I now know what they once dealt with. I, personally, think they are crazy.)

It's not just the we clash or disagree. It's that it brings out the worst in both of us. There is back talking and down right debauchery on his part which brings out my temper and how dare you talk to me like that, I got cut open to give you life on mine.

I am not proud to admit it, but I may have uttered the phrase, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out."

On more than one occasion.

This is not abnormal. I know it's not. It just can't be. No, not all kids are like this, obviously because my other son is not. He watches and has figured out it's not really the ideal. He tries a different, equally frustrating approach. We like to call it the whine approach.

Either way, this parenting gig, 'tis hard. And we haven't even, God help us all, hit the teen years. I am already planning how we will survive and I am pretty sure it's going to take copious amounts of vodka.

It's so easy to watch others parent before you have kids and think, I will never be like that. I will be patient and understanding with my kids. HA. The problem is that once you have your own kids, you can see the attitude coming from a mile away and you don't want to wait until it gets here,you want to squash it like a bug before it even sees you coming. This is where patience flies out the proverbial window and ushers in anger and frustration.

Does this work? Hell no. Does it stop me from doing it? That would also be a hell no.

(Side note: the number of times I have used hell so far: 5)

I don't think it's a coincidence that my first grey hair peeked it's way out shortly after birthing (or in my case laying on a table while the doctor cut him out) my first son.

Would I change it for the world?

Hell (#6) no.

But maybe we could do with a little less attitude and back talking? You know, if I was wishing on a star or something.

Oh and one more for good measure: Hell (#7).

PS if you cannot in any way shape or form relate to this, I am going to guess one of two things, 1) you are not yet a parent, or 2) you are extremely lucky and should get on your knees right now and thank the Good Lord up in Heaven above or fate, whatever your beliefs might be.

Just sayin'.

Naturopathic Dropout

Remember my elimination diet? Remember how I was all about better eating for better health?

Yeah. So.

That went well. Did you detect the sarcasm?

Turns out, as a wise elementary schoolmate pointed out, a Saskatchewan girl giving up wheat is like an Albertan giving up driving an SUV and a British Colombian giving up pot. And yes, this very comment on FB made me laugh. Out loud. The acrid aroma will get you every time you stroll the streets of downtown Vancouver. It's so punny 'cause it's true.

Anyway, back to me. Everyone together now, 1, 2, 3 all about me. Me and wheat. Together we are better. Wheat completes me. You had me at flour.

Okay, okay enough with the bad movie lines. The point is, when I last wrote about this I was craving some bread fierce. That craving got stronger and I got weaker, more tired and even more grumpy.

I contacted the naturopath. The one I like to call Shirley. Her name is as opposite to Shirley as you can get but you know, calling her Shirley makes me giggle (see above 1,2, 3 it's all about me). She told me that restricting my diet to that extent could cause my adrenals or my thyroid, I forget which, to under perform.

WHAT?

Genius. I went to prevent such an occurrence and here we are doing things to ENCOURAGE it?

Also, funny how the issues I told her about are the ones that came out of the "assessment and diagnosis"?

Hmmm. A bit like going to the psychic sporting your wedding rings and she tells you that you are married.

So here's the thing. I went in with an open mind and the velcro hooked up to the blinking lights pretty much shot that out of the water.

What did I learn?

I am lactose intolerant and minimizing my sugar intake is a good thing.
I spent $250 to gain information I already knew.

(insert profanity here)

The good news? Because there is always silver lining. I think. Most of the time. Is that now that I am not restricting my diet, I feel great. Flip flapping fantastic.

It's all relative. And, apparently, expensive for idiots. Live and learn.

Traditions, The Stuff of Memories

Today, I am over at Canada Moms Blog talking about holiday traditions. And in a way, thanking my Mom for all the hard work she has always put into the holidays. It only took me thirty five and half years, better late than never, right Mom?

And yes, I am already dreaming of Nanaimo Bar, in fact I am counting the days until that first delectible bit. It's all about the chocolate for me.

What is the one favourite holiday tradition you and your family have?

Why I "Gave Up" My Career

Some of you likely know that by trade, I am a Chartered Accountant or CA for short. I was recently asked by another CA why I worked so hard to obtain my CA designation (16 hour exam over four days!) if I knew I was going to "give it all up" to have kids. This CA is a mother, but also a partner at a large accounting firm. She and I are not only not on the same page, we are not even in the same book. To clarify, both are legitimate books, neither one better or more valid than the other, simply different.

I stumbled over my response. It's complicated. It's not as simple as "giving up my career". For one, I haven't given up my profession. I still work as a CA, just not in the same capacity as she does. I was not offended by this question, though you might expect I would be. Because, when it comes down to it, in a sense, I have given up, temporarily and maybe permanently, a "career" as a CA.

I know of this career. I had begun this career before we had children. Barely, granted, since I got pregnant with Jack the week after the above mentioned 16 hour exam. We don't waste time. Such a career requires hard work and long hours. It requires climbing the corporate ladder. It requires assuming more and more responsibility. Not like any other career, I imagine.

In essence, it requires everything that I am not. I am not, by nature, a corporate ladder climber. That whole genre does not fulfill me even a little bit. I admire people who are fulfilled by this but I am not one of them. I think, and I am only speculating, that some are driven by the lure of making more and more money to buy more and more stuff. Maybe this is because I can't understand the alternative. That someone would be excited and energized to move up the corporate ladder. I don't know. What I do know is that neither of these things drive or motivate me.

When Jack was 18 months old, I went back to work. I had quit my job before he was a year old because I just couldn't fathom leaving him for 40 plus hours a week with someone else. Again, this is how I felt. I don't judge others who do leave their kids to work. It's a personal choice and ofter not a choice at all, but a necessity. For Jay and I, it didn't feel right. I also know that I am extremely lucky that Jay and I share these same beliefs and values and that we have this option.

However, after spending the next six months with little or no social contact (I had not yet discovered the internet, obviously), I needed to go back. It had nothing to do with wanting to further my career. It was simply a survival decision.

Jack loathed daycare. I loathed leaving him there. I didn't enjoy my work. I enjoyed the social aspect yes, but that was about it. I only worked three days a week. Frankly, in hindsight, it was three days too many. This arrangement lasted 18 months until my maternity leave began for Kamden. I never went back.

While on leave, the work I do now was mentioned as a possibility by another mom. I am indebted to her for the idea and for pushing me to try it. I have never looked back. I now teach online courses (among other things) to students who are working towards becoming CAs. I am still in the profession. In a way, I am giving back to the profession far more than I ever would have working in industry or public practice. But the biggest perk, the one that motivated me to try this in the first place, is that I am the one with our boys. I wake up with them every morning, feed them breakfast and send them off to school. Minus the "hurry up, Mommy is going to be late for work" rants. I am here when they come home for lunch. I am here when they come home from school. I was the one who dropped them off and picked them up from preschool.

I was here. I am still here.

And for that reason, I don't feel like I have given anything up at all.

Rather, that I have accumulated a lifetime's supply of riches.

Pride for my boy

Jack recently had an assignment at school the required him to list his likes and dislikes. I found my heart swelling with pride and also laughing out loud a little. Random Halloween photos are mixed in, just for fun, but in case you were looking for relevance to the post, go no further. There isn't any.



Here's a sample:

Eight things he really likes are:

- playing with my brother (yes, that got an out loud awwwwww)
- having my friend over
- going over to my friend's house
- Bon Jovi music (he's got good taste, no?)
- movie night (Friday nights are movie night at our house)

First of all, I want to just give a shout out that none of his favourite "things" are objects or toys or other possessions. Instead they are doing things with people he cares about. And playing with his brother is #1? Well if my heart didn't about break with pride upon reading that.



Now for the dislikes, don't worry it's short:

- Jazz music (seriously, he's 8, does he even know what Jazz music is? *insert laugh out loud here*)
- winter (hmm, I think I get where the Jazz music dislike is coming from...perhaps maybe, just maybe he's heard me disclose my dislike for it but winter, never. I love winter. *insert evil laugh here*)



Or evil Dr. Jay performing Jack-O-Lantern's lobotamy.

He's quite the kid, our Jack (not to be confused with Jack-O-Lantern, he is definitely not our kid), and we wouldn't have it any other way.

My hair and my camera, what a combo

Way back in August, I posted about how I wanted to do something drastic to my hair. It was not on my good side. The concencus was to but it a bit shorter but keep the same general style. You all confirmed my gut insticts and kept that voice inside that was screaming, "Shave it off!" to a dull roar.

I did exactly that and I HATED it. The bangs and the length were nothing but wrong. That voice mentioned above took it up seven octaves. I had the razor poised. Then, in last ditch effort to keep my husband and kids happy - they all love my long hair, cut from the same cloth they all are- I attempted an intervention on my bangs using a technique I saw somewhere that has since disappeared into the deep vortex that is the internet.

It was fabulous and I so wish I could find it. My hair stylist laughed her butt off after her complimenting me on my bangs, her admitting she did not cut them like that, and me telling her I used a tutorial on the internet to do it. She was all, "They show you how to cut your hair on the iternet!!!?" She has no idea what is on the internet, clearly, but she's awesome so I forgive her innocence.

Anywho, fast forward a couple of months and my hair has smartened up. It was frighted by all the razor talk I am certain. Since it's finally cooperating and I was sick to death of my the profile picture I have been using here since February 2008, I decided to attempt a new one.

Armed with my new tripod (YIPEE) and the natural light from the living room windows, here is the result.



I have newly acquired Adobe Photoshop Elements 8.0 but damn if I know how to use it. As such, the above photo is straight out of the camera. Don't look too close at my less than perfect skin now, you hear. Also keep in mind it got shrunk down to a 48 by 48 pixel square for use as my avitar for various on-line applications.

Also sorry about the burning of your retinas.

Anyway, this long and rambling post about my hair (damn, I am deep) was all to say think you for you spectacular advice. So THANKS!

My Blog in Print

Ever since I started blogging I have wondered how I could preserve what I write here long term. Let's face it, the Internet is likely to gone the way of eight tracks by the time our kids are grown. I knew I couldn't just save them in electronic form, computers and the software they run are obsolete faster than I can inhale a small chocolate bar (oh what I would give for a chocolate bar followed by a Carmel latte chaser right now - the elimination diet is not going well can you tell?).

I did a post about this about this very issue back in June. Some suggested Shutterfly where you can make a fancy photo book including your blog posts. I started that and realized it would take me hundreds of hours to make it worth anything and frankly, for the amount they may get read, it just wasn't worth my time. Also, the lack of patience I possess would have had me rocking in the fetal position suckling a bottle of vodka like a newborn partway through my posts from 2006, also the year I began this here blog.

Then someone pointed me to Blog 2 Print. I remember who but if it was you I am laying a great big wet smack on your cheek right now. That ought keep anyone from fessing up, no?

This service, well let's just say it's the next best thing since sliced bread. It pulls it all together FOR YOU. All you do is give your URL and specify the dates for the posts to pull and it spits this out to you, mailed right to your door.



Now, I can't lie, it wasn't that easy. I decided that I wanted to separate posts about the boys from posts about me. To remove the posts I didn't want pulled into the book I just went through and unpublished all the posts I didn't want - don't worry, they are not gone, merely saved as draft to be re posted at a later date. I made a book for each year except for 2007 which I split into two books because there were too many photos. The first one came in the mail the other day and it's pretty neat to have a book to flip through.

It allows me ample opportunity to reminisce over my little baby boys. They were aged five and two in 2006 and ever so wee compared to now. And then I cringe over the hideous "writing" and the overuse of smiley faces and exclamation points. They grow physically, emotionally and intellectually, my writing has grown (I think). We'll call it even.

I am very happy with this book and the 2007 and 2008 ones are being shipped shortly. I will then begin the process of republishing posts about me and unpublishing those about the boys so I can have my very own narcissistic book titled "1 2 3 All About Me". It will be handy when I am old and have no memory. I can read about this crazy woman who overused exclamation points with two adorable boys and had hormonal issues. I can't hardly wait.

And last but not least, Blog 2 Print is doing a fall promotion. If use the code fall4b2p to purchase a book before November 9, 2009 you will receive 20% off. They told me to share it with my friends and my friends, they are you!