I've gone off nuts, it's official

If you are a regular reader (hi, y'all, you know how much I love you, right? M'wah) you know about my health issues. I have pretty much maxed on any help from the medical side of things. I am on hormones, which have helped immensely, however, the migraines that began the day before we left for Hawaii this past January have not budged. In fact, they love to pop up at the most inopportune moments, like smack dab in the middle of my Pilate's class a couple of days ago. Not to mention that my thyroid and adrenal glands could just up and go the way of my ovaries whenever they feel like it.

A friend mentioned (Hi Jackie!) a naturopath. What the hell I said, what have I got to lose?

So I went a week and half ago and I won't lie, parts of it had me going, are you serious?

For example, the Velcro straps that she put around my ankles, wrists and forehead that were connected to a small box with blinking lights that proceeded to tell her computer all kinds of things that normally would require extensive blood work. And then, and this had my mom laughing so hard she couldn't talk, to see what supplements would work well for me, she proceeded to place bottles of liquid on top of the box with blinking lights.

I know, I know, I should have an open mind but how, on God's green earth, does a bottle of liquid on top of a box tell her how my body will react to whatever is in the bottle?

And if this works so well, why haven't we abolished invasive blood tests?

Anyway, I didn't really go for that part of it, though I am taking the supplements the blinking box said would work and I feel good. What I went for the diet and nutrition part. I believe strongly that what I put in to my body has a huge impact on its productivity and well being. I have already learned that fitness goes a long way, surely improving on what I am eating will also help. And in fact, maybe I can even prevent further health problems such as a slacker thyroid. If I can, why wouldn't I?

She (the naturopath, we'll call her Shirley), put me on an elimination diet. That means that for three weeks I can't eat dairy (no surprise here, I have been lactose intolerant for years), sugar (I may have audibly gasped when she said that), wheat, eggs and peanuts. WHAT? No peanut butter and honey toast for breakfast? You are KILLING me slowly.

I love sugar. I love baking. I love my toast for breakfast. In no particular order.

That was a week and half ago. I honestly thought giving up sugar was going to put me in the loony bin. It hasn't. I am okay. I have some honey every now and then to keep me sane and I am good to go. What might surprise you (Hi Mom and Dad) is that I have not eaten chocolate since I can remember - likely the day before I started this diet, I have a short memory, what can I say. For me, this is an eternity. And I am still breathing. Wonders never cease.

What I would do though is cut off my left arm for a piece of bread. Slathered generously with peanut butter and jam, full sugar jam (if only I could be that much of a bad ass). Almond butter is good, but it's not peanut butter.

Today, armed with advice from several wheat avoiders, I hit up the health food store. Lo and behold! A whole array of flours that nary did see the stalk of a wheat plant. It was like I hit the mother load.

I bought a bread mix that while it contains some sugar meets the rest of the requirements. I baked it up the minute I got home.



The second it came out of the machine, I sliced a piece and slathered it with jam (sugar free).



It was good. And I finally feel full. Taking wheat out of my diet left very few carbs and I need me some carbs to feel full. It's a process. I am learning. And I feel great.

I'll let you know how this adventure turns out. Or Jay will in between visits with me in the loony bin.