Friday, October 25, 2013

In My Head....

I am uneasy and feeling blah for a couple of weeks.   Hormones are likely to blame. I also had a lovely tension headache for about 3 days off and on last week.  Nothing makes you more full of life and happy than a tension headache.

I chose to look on the bright side posting this to FB:

Looking on the bright side is hard when you are on day 3 of a tension headache. But I am. Three things I am thankful for: the wonderful friend who made a massage work for me in her busy schedule (love visiting with you as much as the massage), the GNO with another friend that was FUN and took away the headache temporarily (also the wine, good food and laughs) and the amazing friends my boys have. We are blessed in so many ways. Go ahead and hurt head, you cannot break me.

After some pondering, because that's what I do, I have come to conclude that I need to do some re-evaluating of my goals and aspirations related to fitness but more importantly body image.

I have been inundated with pictures of perfect bodies in barely there bikinis of late and regardless of my own self body image, good or bad, this has been affecting me more than I thought.

I know people who post those pictures do so because they are really proud of what they have achieved, and rightly so, and also because they might inspire others.


When that is what I see, day in and day out and then I look at myself in the mirror, there are two possible outcomes (okay maybe more but I go back and forth between these particular two), I get inspired and work hard to be like them (guess what, I never get there, unattainable much?!).  Or I think for the love of Pete, I look like crap compared to them. I am worthless and hopeless and  I will now eat a tub of ice cream (and you know how bad it is when I will knowingly eat dairy!).

Let me explain.

You all know me and what I look like.

I am a healthy weight and body fat percentage. I am overall a healthy person. I rarely get sick, I get enough sleep and I eat pretty reasonably.

I do not wear bikinis.  I have cellulite. My belly button has been influenced largely (HA!) by the miracle of birthing my two of my three favourite boys in the entire universe.

I have body fat. And here is where I am going to lay it out there.  I am actually supposed to have body fat. And way more than these people in barely there bikinis.

So for my own sanity and healthy body image, I do not need to look like those girls.  And consequently I don't want to see those pictures because it's a vicious cycle of self-loathing.

(Facebook settings are very helpful here.  I like the people, they are awesome. This is about me. And my needs.)

What it comes down to is that I don't need to look amazing in a bikini. Because oh my word are there more important things for me to focus on and my worth is not based (in any amount whatsoever) on how I look in or out of a bikini.

Now if my heart and mind could get together on this, that would be all kinds of perfect.


Angella said...

I'm right there with you, friend. It's so easy to see one of those photos and reach down and pinch the (TINY) amount of fat on my stomach.

*rolls eyes at myself*

You (we) are fit, strong, and beautiful. End of story.


Elaine Alguire said...

Is it bad that when I look at those photos I think, "Oh man, she looks SO good but I am NEVER going to look like that so..." and move on?

I do get jealous and envious for a minute. Like REALLY so because I have NEVER looked like that, even before kids, etc. I would have to workout 5 hours a day and eat nothing but chicken and vegetables and well, that's just not gonna happen. ;)

You ARE so beautiful and healthy, Kami. When I saw you in person this summer I was amazed at how great you looked (and still do). Please do not compare yourself to those bikini-clad ladies. Love you! xoxo

Anonymous said...

Yep, I totally get this. GREAT post. Although I just have put it out there: YOU are one of the people I admire and aspire to be like. I try to remind myself that others *may* also look at me the same way. So a little perspective can be a good thing. Love you! x

Ashley said...

You're not the only one, in fact I'm willing to bet those people, the ones posting the photos of themselves in bikinis etc still look at photos of others and think "Gee I wish I looked like that". It's the curse of the world we live in, every where we look a magazine, a FB post, a person is whispering "Not. Good. Enough" It's our job (one I'm working hard at and failing often) to shout back "Always. Good. Enough."

You're fantastic and remember you've come a LONG way!! I go back to old photos when it's really getting hard.