Momma Smack Down

See that?  That is music to my eyes.

The boys received their report cards this past Tuesday. I won't get into details but someone, not mentioning any names, hasn't cracked a book all year.

He still squeaked onto the honour roll.  I have no idea how.  Horseshoes maybe?
And he also failed to meet his reading goal.

He is normally a straight A student.  He hasn't had to work very hard thus far but he's now in grade 7.  Things are getting more challenging and rather than adjusting his study habits (which right now are nil nada none) he is coasting.

This momma laid down the law.

You might think I am being harsh but here's the thing.  This type of work ethic will get you no where fast in life never mind high school and post-secondary education.

Not to mention on my watch, everyone will give full effort.  If you try your best, you are successful. Period. End of story.

You get the picture.

Here is where I have to confess our part in this.  You see this is not all his doing.  Oh no. We are the adults in the household and these adults got lazy.

The hours of screen time had reached an all time high here at Chez Lahti. 

I kept justifying it with the fact that they were doing well in school, were reasonably active and still have friends. No one wants their kids to end up loners who play videos games alone in the basement all day and night.

And it's a constant battle.  The battle of screen time.  Kids today (and adults) are glued to a screen. It doesn't matter which type....it's all the same. We are turning into screen zombies

So the smack down happened. Our boys both have earn screen time now.  They can earn it by reading a book (remember those?), doing homework, physical activity, yard work, practicing piano.

At first they were appalled.  We were the meanest parents ever (we are for the record, and I am cool with that).

However, after almost a week, I am amazed at the change. They are proud of the reading and practicing they have done to earn their screen time and they are self policing their screen time.

And we have had more conversations, more laughs, more time together than we have for a long time.

I was a wonderful wake up call.  It was needed both for us and for the boys.

So we are planning sticking to it.  I hope we do.

In My Head....

I am uneasy and feeling blah for a couple of weeks.   Hormones are likely to blame. I also had a lovely tension headache for about 3 days off and on last week.  Nothing makes you more full of life and happy than a tension headache.

I chose to look on the bright side posting this to FB:

Looking on the bright side is hard when you are on day 3 of a tension headache. But I am. Three things I am thankful for: the wonderful friend who made a massage work for me in her busy schedule (love visiting with you as much as the massage), the GNO with another friend that was FUN and took away the headache temporarily (also the wine, good food and laughs) and the amazing friends my boys have. We are blessed in so many ways. Go ahead and hurt head, you cannot break me.

After some pondering, because that's what I do, I have come to conclude that I need to do some re-evaluating of my goals and aspirations related to fitness but more importantly body image.

I have been inundated with pictures of perfect bodies in barely there bikinis of late and regardless of my own self body image, good or bad, this has been affecting me more than I thought.

I know people who post those pictures do so because they are really proud of what they have achieved, and rightly so, and also because they might inspire others.

BUT.

When that is what I see, day in and day out and then I look at myself in the mirror, there are two possible outcomes (okay maybe more but I go back and forth between these particular two), I get inspired and work hard to be like them (guess what, I never get there, unattainable much?!).  Or I think for the love of Pete, I look like crap compared to them. I am worthless and hopeless and  I will now eat a tub of ice cream (and you know how bad it is when I will knowingly eat dairy!).

Let me explain.

You all know me and what I look like.

I am a healthy weight and body fat percentage. I am overall a healthy person. I rarely get sick, I get enough sleep and I eat pretty reasonably.


I do not wear bikinis.  I have cellulite. My belly button has been influenced largely (HA!) by the miracle of birthing my two of my three favourite boys in the entire universe.

I have body fat. And here is where I am going to lay it out there.  I am actually supposed to have body fat. And way more than these people in barely there bikinis.

So for my own sanity and healthy body image, I do not need to look like those girls.  And consequently I don't want to see those pictures because it's a vicious cycle of self-loathing.

(Facebook settings are very helpful here.  I like the people, they are awesome. This is about me. And my needs.)

What it comes down to is that I don't need to look amazing in a bikini. Because oh my word are there more important things for me to focus on and my worth is not based (in any amount whatsoever) on how I look in or out of a bikini.

Now if my heart and mind could get together on this, that would be all kinds of perfect.

Running Season - Over and Out

This year, I tried something new for running. I actually trained.

You would think that would be a no brainer.  And I guess I should clarify. I have always "trained" however, what I did was make it up as I went along.  Not the most effective, although it worked to some extent. I finished all my races and I mostly, continually improved.

But this year, I wanted to break through, really put my all into it.  So when a friend mentioned the sub-55 min 10k training plan (by Jeff Gaudette) in the running app I had, I thought, hmmmmmm.  That is a lofty goal.  My personal best (PB) is a good almost 4 min slower than that.  But I could do the plan and shoot to break 58 min.

I mentioned it to my trainer, Dan, and he told me heck yes I could do it.  At that point, I tried to believe but well, I am a healthy pessimist at heart.

In May I had raced to a time of 59:45 or so and that was good, really good for me.  I hadn't worked too hard yet and I already was close to last year's PB.  And I felt good during the race.  It was one of the good ones, where quitting isn't even something that passes through your mind.

Sometime at the end of May I began the training plan.

And as the workouts were completed and I was meeting the pace requirements, I started to believe that yes, I could actually shoot for a 55 min 10k.

Fast forward to early September and we ran our relay race for the Queen City Marathon.  My leg was supposed to be 11k.  I ran and felt amazing the whole way and according to my timing device I was at 54:58 at the 10k mark.  I finished my leg in 60:36.  I was beyond happy.  On a high for a week or so.

Until I talked to a friend who ran the same leg.  Her phone said it was only 10.7k.  I know that my timing device (quit putting stupid random links in my post Blogger!)  tends to overestimate the distance (it said 11.06k), but really?  By almost 400m?!

That deflated me a wee bit because I didn't quite achieve the pace as I had thought.  Time to get back to work and finish the training for Oct 5 10k race.  That one the distance was fixed. The time is published.  This was the goal race.  And I still had work to do.

The other huge piece to my training plan has been nutrition.  My trainer has been working with me on macronutrients.  He gives me set amounts of carbs, protein and fat (the good kind) to eat each day.  I have been following his guidance since early in the summer and what a difference. As soon as I got serious about it, the runs became so much easier.  Less sucking wind and swearing in my head, more you are doing it, just keep pushing, it's hard but you got this.

Yesterday was the day.  The one I had been working so hard for all summer long.  I logged between 20 and 30 km a week running 2-3 times a week. Speed work , tempo runs and long slower runs with increased speed at the end. I was more ready for this race than any other race I have ever entered.

I am foreshadowing here.  Do you see where I am going?

I believed. I could do this.  I felt like I held myself back a bit during the QCM race. This time, I was going for it.  I was all in.

Jen came in the night before to run the 5k and we had dinner together and visited.  It was great, I haven't seen her in too long.

In the morning, we headed out. I was a bundle of nerves (did I put enough pressure on myself or what?) but we arrived and jogged to the bathroom.  Jen commented that she was just getting nervous and noted I was probably calm. I said yes, as soon as I get here and start warming up, I calm considerably.

I said good luck to Jen and lined up at the start.  As I was waiting, I see friends, Leah (friend, massage therapist and yoga instructor) and her partner. They were shooting for sub 60 min so when the gun went off, I took off.  I felt good, I was running fast.  It was great. I was breathing well and I felt good. (Guess what my trainer told me to do? start slow and build.  He's usually right. But did I listen? Oh no.)

Then I hit 3k and I started thinking, shit.  What is up?

I started sucking wind.  Bad.  My problem has never been that my legs get tired, it's that I can't bloody breathe.

I slowed slightly, trying to get myself together.  Somewhere just before 4 k I see this girl in pink beside me and she glances at me a couple of times. I thinking what is your issue chick, pass me and leave me be.

Then I hear her say, "She must be in the zone"

I finally look and guess who it is?  The friends I left at the start (she was in red but I saw pink, I think that says a lot about how in my head I was).  Uh huh.  Apparently I was very gracious and welcoming and was all like, "Oh. Hi."

She asked me how I was feeling.  She knew.  She noted later that she didn't think it was a good thing that they had caught up to me.

Not good was my reply.  So what does she do?  She goes into yoga instructor mode and coaches me the entire rest of the race.  Her and Ahren could have taken off and in fact I told them to more than once, I felt like a complete butt head. Here I trained and shot my mouth off about this goal and I was the one who needs their help.  They had to slow down for me. Later Ahren commented that you never leave a man behind. But it was a race I said, leaving a man behind is so fair game!

I am very grateful for Leah because she pushed me harder than I had it in me yesterday to push myself.  I had to walk multiple times to catch my breath and get my breathing back...she egged me on. Each time I slowed, she pumped me up.  I didn't always want to hear it. I wanted to quit. I know I wouldn't have even if she hadn't been there but I would have slowed down way  more. She didn't let me, she made me do it even though it hurt like hell.

At about the 8k mark we almost got in a fight.  She egged me up a hill (there were more hills on that route than San Francisco, I swear.  I don't care if we live in the flattest place on earth.  Yesterday the hills were 5x magnified, the bastards) and tried to tell me it was the last one.

I didn't talk much during the race. I just listened but at that point I had to call her bluff.   It SO wasn't the last hill and I knew it. There is another one, just before the entrance to the track we finish on.  It was funny then and it cracks me up now. I was like a four year old child.  It's not the last hill,  I yelled.  Then I walked.  Again.  Because I had used up all my air yelling.  Like a four year old.  I am so mature, it physically pains me.

She nearly kicked me in the butt at that point.

Then I got it in gear.  I thought to myself, you are not going to let this one bad run ruin all the work you did this summer.  It's not going to ruin how far you know you have come.  Suck it up princess and get it done.

By this point, we were close. I could finally see the light at the end of the pain.  When I got to the finish the pain would stop.  And my goal?  It wasn't completely gone. I looked down just as we finished that last bastardo of a hill and my watch said 53min and some seconds.  I was close. I had to do about 400 more meters and I know from training if I kick into high gear, I can do that in just over 2 min. So I could still break 56 min.  That was just what I needed to pull that last bit from deep within me (see Leah, I was listening!). 

We were on the track. That track, for the record, might only be about 300 meters from when we re-enter it and finish (we also start on the track so we do the first 100 meters at the beginning of the race) but it feels like 8 effing miles. I have run  this exact race 2 times before, I know this.

But the finish.  It was. right. there. The pain would stop.

Then Leah decides I need to pass a girl about 15 meters in front of us.  So we do.  God knows where I got that energy from.  Apparently we passed her. I have no recollection of this after I looked up and saw her in front of me. I sprinted (as fast as I could go at this point anyway) and Leah is still cheering me on.  Does she not have to breathe I think?  And also how do I get me some of that because air, it was a deficit for me yesterday for about 40 some minutes of that damn race.

We neared the finish and I hear Jen cheering me on - friends rule the world y'all.

We crossed the finish I stopped my watch and the time read 55:53.

Then I bent over and tried not to die.

My previous personal best was in this exact race last year.  58:43.  I was almost 3 min faster.

That is HUGE.

I am happy. But.  My goal was 55 min and I hate runs that hurt that much. They are mentally exhausting.  I was fighting a cold all week.  Maybe that was it.  Maybe it was how fast I stared out. I don't know what it was and I can analyse it till the cows come home (and I will, don't you worry) but the moral of the story is I had a terrible run. Horrid.  I was at my worst. The pathetic noises I know that came out of me mortify me.  Having a friend there makes my patheticness (what? it's a word, it describes Kami during a terrible run) come out. Alone, I would never make those noises out loud. Terry Lyn will know all about this as she pushed me to a personal best a few years again the same manner. Except that time, I hadn't trained properly.

I had a personal best.  A horrid run that resulted in a personal best.

I have to be proud.  I am working on it.  I'll get there as soon as I stop feeling like a truck ran over me.

The moral of this story is that I am not a natural runner. I have to work four times as hard as say, someone like Leah who could have easily broke 55 min yesterday had she not been an amazing friend and instead helped me. 

It was all worth it.  Reaching a goal is rewarding and the only reason I run.  I may not have quite gotten exactly to the goal I wanted but I did reach a goal. I ran faster because I trained hard (and Leah didn't let me quit on myself - maybe I am self-destructive Jen, I lied).

Mission accomplished.

Kamden takes up Running

*alternate title: this blog has not (yet) shut down for good

Hi! Remember me?  That's okay, I have been been neglecting my blogging hobby something fierce lately both on the writing side and on the reading side.

This used to come so easily to me, this over sharing for more people than I likely should have been sharing with.   For whatever reason, it doesn't anymore.

Anywho, a bit of an update on us, for two of you that might stumble by.

Kamden is in grade 4 this year and it's the first year he is eligible to participate in extracurricular sports.  The first one that came up was Cross Country running. I was pleasantly surprised when he signed up. He has never had any interest in running and the last 5km walk we signed up for resulted in him throwing a tantrum and walking slower than a snail for the entire distance. So he was 5 years old, that's not the point.  Okay maybe that's the point. Whatever.

I went to watch the first race because I wasn't so sure it wouldn't be the last.  It was smoking hot that day and he managed to finish about 36th place or something.  Out of over a hundred kids.  I couldn't have been more proud. He said to me after it was done, "Mom, that was hard. But it will be easier next time, right?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him that no, it would never be easier because you always try to go faster.  Welcome to running, son, you will never be satisfied and will always strive for more.

He has since raced 2 more times and has managed to improve each time. He hasn't mentioned whether it got easier though. I am going to assume, no.

Jay and I were signed up for a night run this past Friday and when I mentioned it, he wanted to do it too. What the hay, I said, it's 5km.  He can do it.

We managed to fit a couple 3.25 km runs in before the race (he was training for Cross Country too).  Race day came and we met up with another couple, Terry-Lyn and Kent, to run.  It was a fun run with no timing chips and it involved "glowing".  We hit the dollar store and were definitely under-glowed compared to others.

I know his eyes are closed but it cracks me up.  This is sooooo him.

Jay stuck with him since the rest of us got separated in the mass of people at the start.  Once we finished (in about 27:22 or so - fastest 5k ever for me - it's been a busy running year, post sometime soon on that) I looked at my phone and Jay had texted an update as to where they were on the course. They were not far from the finish so I started walking back along the course and before I knew it, there they were.

As we neared the finish, the rest of us couldn't keep up to him. He was all about being done already and sprinted in to the finish.

He ran it in about 31 min. Turns out they took a short cut accidentally so the distance was not quite 5k but it was a least 4.5.  Not to mention he only took one walk break (I am in awe!) 26 min into the race.

So so proud of you, Kamden!

Next year, he'll no doubt pass me and I'll eat his dust. I am okay with that though.

To finish, some photos of the cousins on Jay's side. I might be bias but we make ridiculously good looking kids, no? 

The idea for this pose was all Dana's.

And pumpkins because, well, why not?

Till next time, keep fit and have fun!

A Meme of Five

I haven't been tagged in a meme in years! But Elaine tagged me and since we just met in person for the first time last weekend, well, I gotta do it.  Elaine lives in Louisiana but came up to Edmonton to visit a cousin. I happened to be in Edmonton for work since that is about 800 km from where I live.  Amazing how that worked out.

 

(Picture stolen (borrowed?) from her blog. The cute dimpled guy is her son, G.)

List of Fives Meme

Five Things I Have a Passion For

1. Food.  All kinds of it, all the time.  Hence why I workout like a crazy woman. I have to say that I eat far less dessert than I once did though - dairy intolerance takes the joy out of that. I struggle with the balance between eating reasonably clean for health and tying to look like I could be in Oxygen magazine.  One is realistic and the other is not for me. And let's be real, I don't have the will power for the Oxygen magazine ideal.

2. Exercise. Pilates, Yoga, running, weight training.  Any and all.  I love to push myself. I also enjoy helping others in my part time gig as a personal trainer.

3. Photography, though I don't indulge this passion nearly as much as I should lately.

 4. Jay and my kiddos.  They amaze me and give me so much joy every single day and I wouldn't have it any other way.

5. My family and friends. My parents and bro and family rule, my in-laws are pure awesomeness and I have the most supportive and caring friends a girl could ask for.  Time with them is priceless.

Five Things I Would Like to do Before I Die
 

1. Do something crazy and completely unexpected.  Like move to Bora Bora. Not by myself though, with my family.  Just had to clarify in case Jay thought I was crazy.
 

2. See my boys grow up to be amazing men.
 

3. Grow old with Jay by my side.  Maybe in Bora Bora.
 

4. Move out of our bungalow starter home into a bigger one with a garage. And an office for me that isn't in the basement doubling as a store all the crap that we have no other spot to store.

5. Master the art of public speaking. I have come a long way in two and half years.  My job requires me to lead training sessions of groups of 30-40 people. And I do it.  And no one falls asleep or cringes at my awkwardness more than a couple times through the day.  This is huge. I still hate it with the fire of a thousand burning suns and dread it up until the moment I start.  But maybe that part will never go away.  Either way, I am pretty proud that I have overcome part of the phobia.

 

Five Things I Say A Lot

1. DUDE!

2. Crap.

3. Shit.

4. I love you.

5. Like.  As in, I, like, oh ma gawd, totally sucked at that.

Related: I am working on my potty mouth.

Five Books and/or Magazines I Have Read Lately

 

1. Beautiful Creatures Series - second time I loved it so much

2. Life of Pi
3. Our Canada Magazine

4.  um?
5.  random books from the library that I never remember the name of

Five Favorite Movies (maybe you’ve seen them Five times...)
 

1. Home Alone - the first two

2. A League of Their Own

3. Despicable Me
 

4. Cocktail - I still want to see a waterfall like the one in the movie.  Maybe when we go to Jamaica in February next year?
 

5. Cars - I love Owen Wilson and particularly as Lightening McQueen. Oh and Mater, he just plain cracks me up.

Five Places I Would Love to Travel

1. Atlantic Canada - I have been as a kid a couple times but not with Jay and the boys.  We will do this someday.  Soon. 

2. New Zealand and Australia  

3. Jamaica - hopefully Feb 2014

4. Italy - see food above.  And wine.  Mmmmmm

5. Europe though the jet lag scares me. I get it from going to Vancouver!  I am a sleep princess.

Gratitude Squared

Remember when I was waiting a biopsy on my thyroid.  Yeah that was a long time ago, wasn't it?

As I waited for the biopsy, I went through some stuff.  The grouchies would be a mild adjective to describe it.  I offended a few people with a FB post in the process.  Not my best moment but hey, those who have taken the time to get to know me realize that wasn't me and it was a mistake.  Last I checked, we all make mistakes.

The biopsy involved six or seven needles to the throat.  Jay came with me and as usual, was my rock.

It was uncomfortable and sore and all the things you would think but by the next morning, it was all gone.

 

Then we waited and I kind of forgot that I was waiting to find out if I had the C-word.  For some weird reason, I had more trouble with the time before the biopsy.  I can't explain it other than work has been very busy and it occupied me.  I had no time to think and dwell  and that was a good thing I guess.

 

Until the day before I was to find out the results. Then I started getting a bit stressed.

 

 

 

Jay again came with me to get the results.  You know for everyone's safety.  As we sat there waiting I could barely breathe.  I had tried to tell myself it wouldn't be a big deal either way.  We'll deal with it. In a strange method to calm myself, I was actually looking forward to a day or two off work to accommodate the surgery.

 

I know.

 

You do weird things in these situations. 

 

The doctor walked in and checked his computer and said those two wonderful words that I wasn't sure I could hear, "It's negative."

 

And then I stopped holding my breath.

 

I made it all the way out of the building before I collapsed into Jay's arms in a puddle of tears.

 

Then I called my mom and we started all over again.

 



I do not know why I was one of the lucky ones who dodges the C-bullet.  I shake my head still. 

 

What I do know is that I have so much to be grateful for far beyond this one blip on the radar.  I won't always be this lucky but I will always be grateful for what I have.

 

Jay.  He brings out the best in me and loves me despite my million and one faults.  I thank my lucky stars every day for that day in June twenty years ago when we met.  

 

My boys.  They do not know much about any of this other than there was something in my throat being checked.   We didn't want them to worry until there was something to worry about.  I am so glad to be their mom.

 

My parents.  They are always there when I need them. I couldn't ask for more.

 

My friends.  You cannot pick your family but you sure can pick your friends and I have some of the best around.

 

Life is busy and good and I am beyond grateful for every single moment.

 

xoxox

Kamden Is Nine

Two days ago, this little blondie turned nine.

(better late than never, right?)

How he went so quickly from that little boy to the cheese ball below, I don't know. That smirk above?  Cute.  And now?

Well let's just say you could never accuse him of not having a personality.

He is funny and smart and full of energy.

Exhibit A:

An end of school drawing brought home on the last day of school noted that "Summer Rocks".  Then he put "Ow, my feet." 

You know, because of the rocks.

Yuk, yuk yuk.  Or hardy har har.

(I didn't get it at first, I must admit)

Smart, Exhibit B, his grade 3 report card. 

And Exhibit C, full of energy.

This kid would play sports all day long every single day.  Not only does he love it but one of his football coaches noted that he was so fun to coach because he takes direction well.  As a parent, that makes me super proud. 

I just wish he would listen to my direction a little better sometimes but we can't have everything now, can we?

(the next paragraph is for the annual photo book - feel free to skip and ignore my blatant bragging!)

He scored multiple touch downs in the flag football season that just ended (parenting fail as there are no photos or video) and as a defender in soccer managed to score a goal in the tournament they played in.  It was a gorgeous goal - he raised to the top right corner.  His coach took off his hat and bowed. Kamden, cool as the cucumber he is acted like he did this on a daily basis. This only served to crack us up.  After we finished screaming with glee.  (We cheer loudly whenever his team scores but because he plays defence 99% of the time, we may have cheered extra loud this time).

Happy Birthday to the kid who never fails to make me smile and make me proud as a Mom!