Tuesday, November 20, 2007
This photo represents how I am feeling of late. My thoughts are all jumbled and I can’t seem to get them organized. I am really busy with work, more busy than I am used to. I am not one who thrives on being busy for this very reason. I feel jumbled and out of sorts.
But I enjoy my work and have gotten into the habit of having difficultly saying no. Not because I feel guilty or obligated because with this gig that I have, there is no obligation. It’s all done on contract which means if I don’t accept I don’t get paid. I have said no to things in the past and if anything else comes up in the next 3 months, the answer will have to be no. Either that or I give up sleep and any time with my family. That’s not an option and right now, it’s the family time that’s suffering.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining because this work at home thing, it’s sweet. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The only thing missing is more time but really, doesn't everyone feel like that?
What is getting me is that I am stressing. This is not normal for me. I am not a worry wart, basically because I find it requires far too much effort to worry about every little thing and frankly, I’m lazy. However, I am out of my element. I was asked to do something that I feel is WAY over my head. I accepted but with trepidation, because well, it requires “leading” people that are, in my opinion, much more experienced than me. Talk about overwhelming.
I can’t decide which is worse, NOT being asked to do it again or being asked to do it again. You see if they don’t ask me to do it again, that means I will have failed. If they do, that means I have to go through all this again.
See what I mean?
But I am also looking at it as a challenge, to succeed despite the odds against me and the fear of not being good enough. Because I have to.
Or become a stress pot.
That’s not appealing.
And these pictures, well they make feel calm when I look at them. I shot them the other day in between catching the kids sliding down the hill. It amazes me that something so stark and cold can be so beautiful.
Maybe there's a lesson in that for how I'm feeling?
Labels: The other season