Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Jumbled


This photo represents how I am feeling of late. My thoughts are all jumbled and I can’t seem to get them organized. I am really busy with work, more busy than I am used to. I am not one who thrives on being busy for this very reason. I feel jumbled and out of sorts.

But I enjoy my work and have gotten into the habit of having difficultly saying no. Not because I feel guilty or obligated because with this gig that I have, there is no obligation. It’s all done on contract which means if I don’t accept I don’t get paid. I have said no to things in the past and if anything else comes up in the next 3 months, the answer will have to be no. Either that or I give up sleep and any time with my family. That’s not an option and right now, it’s the family time that’s suffering.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining because this work at home thing, it’s sweet. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The only thing missing is more time but really, doesn't everyone feel like that?

What is getting me is that I am stressing. This is not normal for me. I am not a worry wart, basically because I find it requires far too much effort to worry about every little thing and frankly, I’m lazy. However, I am out of my element. I was asked to do something that I feel is WAY over my head. I accepted but with trepidation, because well, it requires “leading” people that are, in my opinion, much more experienced than me. Talk about overwhelming.

I can’t decide which is worse, NOT being asked to do it again or being asked to do it again. You see if they don’t ask me to do it again, that means I will have failed. If they do, that means I have to go through all this again.

See what I mean?

But I am also looking at it as a challenge, to succeed despite the odds against me and the fear of not being good enough. Because I have to.

Or become a stress pot.

That’s not appealing.

And these pictures, well they make feel calm when I look at them. I shot them the other day in between catching the kids sliding down the hill. It amazes me that something so stark and cold can be so beautiful.

Maybe there's a lesson in that for how I'm feeling?










14 comments:

Hannah said...

I can somewhat understand your dilemma, Kami. I've been in a similar situation before. In the end, I had to pull out of it because it was stressing me too much. I'm not saying you should do that though. You have to find the balance, and I know what that is like! ((HUGS))

Angella said...

Aw, big hugs sweetie!

I have a hard time saying no, but I am getting better at it.

Hope you sort it all out :)

HUGS!!

Stacie said...

THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL Shots. You have a great eye!

hang in there with the job situation, I wish you the best of luck.

teeni said...

The photos are gorgeous! Sorry you are feeling so out of your element. Maybe it is because you normally don't stress that you were chosen for this project. But if you do a great job and they ask you to do it again, you are under no obligation to take it on again. You can just decline politely and say you loved the learning experience last year but this year would like a little more time with your family. No need to stress about that - that's for sure. So just take care of this year. I'm sure you will do a great job. Just think it out before you make any big decisions.

The Foulds said...

I hope your stress level goes down real soon!
Love the pictures! They are very calming I agree. :)

Stacy said...

I totally "feel you" girl! I feel pulled in a thousand directions & yet I don't feel like I ever make any progress. Just know you are NOT alone :)

On a lighter note, I LOVE the photos!!!

Tracey said...

How about looking at it as you are more qualified than you're giving yourself credit for? Maybe the people asking you to do this project see greatness in your abilities that you haven't acknowledge yet?

Give yourself a break. Take a deep breath... I'm sure things will work out for the best.

Kellan said...

I'm sorry you are feeling stressed. I could probably teach you some tactics with dealing with worrying - I am the worry wart queen - I worry about most everything and have gotten pretty good at dealing with all sorts of sh** coming at me - most of the time. I hope you work through all this - soon and feel more settled. It's not fun feeling stressed and it's not good for any of us. Those are beautiful pictures. Have a good Thanksgiving, Kami - see you soon. Kellan

familymclean said...

Wow, beautiful photos! I so totally understand how you feel. Even with my art I get caught up in stress. I paint to release stress, but when I have orders coming out my butt and no time and I must please so I say yes to all, it is no longer a stess releif. Doing what I love becomes a chore.
Hope it gets sorted out for you!

BTW, in response to your question, my art is for sale at Urban-1 on broad street.:)

KAYLEE said...

AWWW I HOPE YOU ARE LESS STRESSED SOON!

How are you today?

HUGS!

BeachMama said...

I can totally understand your dilema and stress. I hope you find a way to make it work out for you.

And your photos are absolutely gorgeous. We got a little of the white stuff this morning with more to follow tomorrow.

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

Sorry to hear you are all stressed out, hope you're feeling better soon. It's tough when you're a people pleaser (I think most women are basically, it's hard-wired into us) but, sometimes you just have to tell people no and let the chips fall where they may. Give it your best effort, if they are satisfied, great, and if not, you know that you did the best you could at the time. No one can ask for more than that, right? Take care!

Anonymous said...

Ohhh, now I'm feeling badly for not taking the boys this weekend!!! Rats I know we would have had soooo much fun too and it would have taken care of some of Gram's and Pop's stress!!! Maybe real soon again.

Those are wonderful pictures too. As well you are not giving yourself enough credit, you would not have been asked to this if someone did not see your great potential to handle it and handle it very well too. Give yourself a pat on the back instead of a boot!! Later, Grams (BIG HUGS AND SQUEEZES)

Kellan said...

Hey - I cooked my turkey - it looks done and everything!!! We are just fixing to sit down here in about a 1/2 hour to eat. Thanks for the Thanksgiving wish - I forget you guys live in Canada and keep wishing all you guys Happy Thanksgiving - that was last month, right? Take care and see you soon. Kellan