Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants

Our trip was almost perfect. The only blemish on an otherwise fabulous vacation was the lovely experience of sitting behind Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants.

As you know, we were traveling with our kids, Jack is 6 and Kamden is 3. They are old enough to not cry uncontrollably the entire flight but not old enough to sit still for over 3 hours and will despite our best efforts bump the seats in front of them numerous times.

Most people are understanding and have patience because they have either been there with their own kids or are compassionate enough to put up with this sort of thing for a short time. After all, we were all kids at one time.

Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants however, are not those kind of people. In fact I might venture to guess that they came out of their mother’s wombs age 45 and scowling. It’s also very clear that they do not have children of their own or if they do, the nanny has been instructed that they are to be seen very infrequently and NEVER heard.

Keep in mind that these people are most likely flying on the same seat sale we were, a WestJet flight from Toronto to Nassau. Consequently it’s most likely that the former is true rather than the latter.

Jay and I had a plan of attack for the 4 flights it took (each way!) for us to travel to our destination and back. We would take turns sitting with the kids and the other would sit directly across the aisle. On this particular flight, Jay was the one sentenced to kid duty. I had the luxury of being all the way across the aisle, free to read or watch TV at my leisure.

Keep in mind that this is a flight with a duration of almost 3 and half hours. Did I mention that there were TV’s for each seat? With Treehouse and Discovery Kids? A channel for each of our son’s discerning tastes.

All I can say is Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants have no idea how good they had it. If there had been no TV’s this story may have ended quite differently, namely with me in jail somewhere in the Bahamas for aggravated assault of two idiots. Is that even a valid charge? Maybe, maybe not. It likely depends on your perspective.

From my perspective things were going great. The kids were happily occupied watching TV and the seat in front of Kamden was actually empty (Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants were seated in front of Jay and Jack respectively). When Jay told Kamden to not kick the seat in front of him I commented that it likely wasn’t as big a deal since no one was sitting there.

That’s when he informed me that he had already been asked twice by the gracious and eloquent Mr. Grumpypants to please not allow the children to kick the seats or something to the effect. Jay is not sure exactly what he said, the plane is loud but that was the just of it anyway.

I was somewhat shocked. I have been a parent for 6 and half years now and I have never had someone say anything like that to me yet. I guess I was just lucky and the luck, well she done ran out.

My comment then and it may or may not have been loud enough for them to hear (I’m really classy like that) was that they quite obviously do not have kids. Any parent knows that you can try as you might but no matter what the kids will bump the seat. Not on purpose but their legs, well, they are sticking straight out in front of them for goodness sake.

Oh, and note to my dear friends Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants – if you don’t want your seats bumped by the children sitting directly behind you? DON’T RECLINE THE THINGS AS FAR BACK AS YOU CAN.

It’s not rocket science for the love of Pete. Do you know Pete? He’s awesome and we love him a lot around here.

Anyway all of this in isolation is really nothing and I wouldn’t have been steaming about it like I am. But the worst is yet to come.

Probably three quarters of the way through the flight Kamden wanted his playdoh. And NO! not the playdoh we had brought but the other playdoh, THE GREEN PLAYDOH. He was yelling. He was upset. He was tired by this point, we had already been traveling for 24 hours (overnight in a hotel granted but with much less sleep than normal). He was screaming at the top of his lungs. It was loud.

I’ll give all that to the Grumpypants. However, it was literally for a total of 7 minutes. Maybe. It might even have been shorter. I was doing EVERYTHING in my arsenal to stop the screaming already. It did seem like an eternity. The heart rate was up, sweat was pouring…

And that was just Mr. Grumpypants, you should have seen me!

But it wasn’t enough for Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants. Oh no. They felt that if they both turned around on separate occasions and gave me the look of death that would be very helpful.

Oh yes it was. Do you know what it garnered them?

The wrath of Kami.

After the second scowl that would rival the Grim Reaper, I yelled. Yes I did. I am not proud of what I did. Well maybe a little and I would do it again in a second.

My exact words were “Hello! Do you think that I am making him scream on purpose?”

I mean seriously. WTF?

Out of a 3 and half hour trip and I get dirty looks because he is loud for a total of 7 minutes?

These are standards I refuse to live by. I was mad. C’mon!

But that was it. I kept my cool once we landed. Even when I had to stand in the aisle waiting to disembark while they stood in front of me, facing me. I guess they were trying to intimidate me or something. Whatever. I am sure they had more right to be on the flight than we did. Positive. I mean what are we doing taking our kids on a fun beach vacation? Don’t we know that is for old, grumpy childless couples?


Anyway, we went on to enjoy our holiday and come across yet another child hating person. I walked into a store on a different island (we took a day trip excursion over there to do some shopping) with Kamden. The store had very little in it and even less than I was interested in but I didn’t want to turn around and walk right out since the lady who either worked there or owned the place was standing right there. I said hello as we walked in and she almost immediately interrupted me while I was talking to Kamden to ask if I need help.

No, I am just looking was my response. Her next sentence, and I quote, was,

“Well, do not let you child touch anything. If he breaks it, you have to pay for it. You should know that m’am.”

Me to Kamden, “Come on Kamden, I don’t think this is our kind of store.”

To my mom who was now walking into the store, “COME ON. We are leaving. GOODBYE (kind of rudely I admit to store lady).”

And as I walked out, my next comment was that I have never met so many child hating people in all my life.

And this is the sign that welcomes you to the island:

(Welcome to Harbour Island Home of Friendly People)

Apparently this lady hasn’t seen it. I think perhaps she might want to consider a new line of business because owning a gift shop on an island in the Bahamas that caters to tourists is probably not her thing.

Also if you want to see steam come out of me, this is sure fire way to get it going.

Oh and when we arrived at Nassau to catch our departing flight, who should we see?

That’s right! Mr. and Mrs. Grumpypants, in the flesh thankyouverymuch! I cannot thank the good Lord above enough for the fact that they didn’t sit anywhere near us.

I would not have been accountable for my actions if they had.