Friday, July 10, 2009

Peaks and Valleys

I do this all the time. One minute I am ranting on about rainbows and unicorns coming out of my butt and then it gets awful quiet. You know what's coming right?

Not so much with the rainbows and unicorns, that's what. I have been grumpy, moody, tired and suffering from numerous headaches. And I know what it is. It's what it always is. My hormones. AGAIN. They are the bane of my existence. They are either right where they need to be and I feel great (see above re: rainbows and unicorns) or as of late, they are not right where they need to be. I just wish I knew where they needed to be and even better, how to not only get them there, but keep them there.



And going to the doctor? Well here's how I feel about that.


The problems I have are not big, they are not life threatening but annoying, oh hell to the yes. Like the fact that this entire week I have felt like a truck has run over me for example, not endearing, folks, no endearing. I mean 10 hours of sleep should be more than enough, shouldn't it?

I also have no energy. I try to work out but I just don't have it in me. It's more than just not wanting to do it. It's not being able to do it with my normal intensity.

Top all this off with the fact that it's summer and we are in pants and long sleeves for the umpteenth day in a row and this girl is crusty.

Crusty enough to treat myself to both popcorn and ice cream last night. That's right, something I haven't done in ages because in the last few months I have discovered that the less of that kind of thing I eat, the better I feel and the more energy I have.

So this week, despite all my healthy eating, I have felt like the dog poop stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. So why shouldn't I eat some crap, I mean, I couldn't possibly feel worse at this point, could I?

Wait, don't answer that. Here's the thing. I know what is causing the issue. I know why I am grumpy. I know it will pass. But in the throes of it, I forget and I see that fine line between sane and not so sane. And sometimes I feel like I am getting a little too close for comfort to that line.

It gives me a much profounder and deeper understanding of mental illness.

While I ponder this line, I will ride out this valley and look forward to the next peak until I do it all over again. Or commit myself, whichever comes first.

21 comments:

nicole said...

I'm sorry. I've been there, although not for the same reasons or with the same frequency.

Stacie's Madness said...

{{hugs}} sounds like a typical pms week (maybe two) to me...

and yes, where the hell is our summer? Sucky sucky here too.

love the pictures though, great job!

Lori: Teacher Turned Mommy said...

gorgeous pictures... I say treat yourself to something yummy and get a good night sleep... maybe you'll feel more yourself in the morning?

Cheryl said...

love those pictures, nothing like nature to brighten a day!
Treats are exactly what you should do, you know not to do it every day!!!
Big hugs..

Mrs. said...

Boo on being grumpy! BOO!!!

Mental illness sucks. It SUCKS the LIFE right OUT of you.

Boo on menopause too.

Ed said...

I have been to these valleys you speak of. Unfortunately, I can not blame my descent on hormones. Keep on--it gets better.

Elaine A. said...

So, your words aren't so happy but your pictures sure are pretty! I'm sorry you haven't felt well lately my dear. I do hope things peak soon. Big hugs from your friend in Louisiana! ; )

jengacek said...

I have been feeling the same way lately! Maybe it's this crappy so-called "summer" weather we've been having. Or most likely, my crazy hormones. Ever since the birth of my last child my hormones have been NUTS. My poor hubby and kids take the brunt of it. However, I'm not willing to go on the pill...so they can just DEAL WITH IT!

I could eat 2 chocolate cakes right now with a chaser of a huge bag of Nibs. MMMMMM...good thing neither of those are in my house right now.

Nice pictures and I hope you hit that peak SOON!

Debo Hobo said...

Believe it or not you answered a question for me...I was wonder what the hell has been wrong with me for the past few weeks. I sleep and wake up beat as heck...I barely feel like running, but have to train for the marathon...and I shoved a large pizza down my throat over the weekend...I am scheduling hormone tesst ASAP.

See your misery is my helpful answer.:)

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I think that you and I can just start posting for each other. We seem to not only have the same emotions (i.e. impending insanity) but also the same cycles. Fun!

Picture me today, at Navy Pier in Chicago, happy to be with my kids one moment and ready to throw the oldest one off the edge the next... LOONEY.

Karen MEG said...

Those are beautiful photos Kami.

I feel so badly for you that you're in this slump, it is so NOT you, it must just make it doubly worse (I'm a melancholy grumpy baby most times, so peaks are more a surprise to people around here...). I hate, hate, hate it when my body doesn't cooperate.

I hope your peaks come back soon, and some answers to how you might keep yourself up.

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry you're having such a crappy week! Your post sounded almost like an echo of my Mom some weeks. You both make me want to start drugs now, you know be proactive about menopause... She's struggling with the exhaustion too! She'll be in the middle of a coverstaion with you and fall asleep. I work in their business office that is thankfully in their home and more often than not in the afternoon she has sleeve or paper marks on her head from "resting her eyes" for 15 minutes on her desk.

Hopefully this next week is better and you're feeling more like yourself. Good luck!

Kami said...

Oh, ick! I'm so sorry you are feeling crappy!!! I hope the summer sunshine brightens your mood a teeny bit...and those beautiful flowers, too. Here's a ((((((((hug))))))))) from me to you. I totally get the crazy-never-normal hormone thing. Hang in there, Kami!

Kristin said...

At least you are prepared to commit yourself. Some people might say Hawaii is a good vacation, but really a soft padded room all to yourself sounds appealing. Someone else brings dinner and changes the sheets...hmmm I might need to pack a suitcase.

R Royal Family said...

I am sorry you are feeling so crummy. I hope your playing field levels out soon cuz peaks and valleys suck :-( {Hugs}

anna-b-boknkers said...

Oh Kaim, oops KAMI! Though Kaim is kinda cute too;-)
Anyway....
I know how you are feeling, well sotra. I have had days like this lately, headaches too and grumpy and short and tired. I know it is a lack of sleep post baby thing but man!

Anyway, we should do coffee and chat, how is tomorrow or Thurs? I am in the city now.

Misty said...

I'm sorry, Love. It's no fun to not feel good.

BeachMama said...

We all have days like that, we just don't always tell others about it. I hope that you can find a solution to your hormone levels just for peace of mind and well, sanity. Thinking of you!

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Natalie said...

what kind of flowers are the white ones with the blue center? love them! great pictures!!!

teeni said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, especially because I know it is not your normal nature to be a grumpy person. Sometimes I really wonder how much hormones have to do with mental illness and I suspect a lot more than we know. Sending good energy your way.