"I am almost 99% certain I will be taking a blogging break and a twitter break and a FB break. And it might not be temporary."
I also Twittered the very same, because, you know, I had to cover all social media bases. Wait a minute, I missed My Space. CRAP. Oh yeah, I don't have a My Space. Whew.
And you thought I wasn't dramatic. Showed you didn't I?
What caused me to have this feeling of leaving cyberspace behind? I honestly don't know but I think it might have had to do with my reaction to a friend's news that she was expecting a baby. I may have patted her belly (yes, yes, I did and I am still as mortified as I was 1.2 second after I did it) and blurted out in surprise (because I am an idiot) that I thought she had a little belly the last time I saw her and that I was so hoping that she was. I won't go into details but this is something that I have prayed would happen for her and her husband for a year now. To say they deserve this baby is an understatement.
GAH. It still makes me feel sick inside. On what planet is that a good way to react?
You might be wondering why something I said out loud to a real life friend would make me want to turn my back on this on-line world. I know I am.
I haven't entirely figured it out but I think it might have something to do with the fact that I do things like this more frequently than I care to mention and spending time here rather than in the real world is not helping that fact.
I am going out on a limb here.
But at least I gave my friend something to talk about. I mean I would be ranting about this weird friend who not only patted my belly, MY BELLY, like it's now public property because it's growing a baby and then told me I had a belly two months ago. Come to think of it, that would make a funny blog post wouldn't it?
See? The fact that I am thinking about it terms of blog post means that I am not ready to give up this blog. I need an outlet to express some of the stuff (fluff?) that swirls aimlessly around in the void that is my mind. If not here, where else? Facebook and Twitter updates don't provide the space and do you really want me to call you all and leave a voice message? Equally undesirable are mass emails, I am certain. Do I have your email? Be afraid. Be very afraid.
I have been spewing on here for three and half years and honestly this is the first time I have considered shutting it down. And really, when I think about it, shutting it down would be like cutting off an arm.
This is part of me.
Sometimes maybe it's too much, sometimes maybe it's just the right amount.
But whatever it is, it's me.
Now if I could just learn myself how to shut my mouth and keep my hands to myself all would be right in the world.
(And help me out, do I apologize for being such an idiot to my friend, or put my head in the sand and hope she's already forgotten?)
15 comments:
How many times have I quit and COME RIGHT BACK - let's see...2 or 3 times. It's definitely a part of us. And it DOES make us more filterless, transparent people - but I think that's a good thing. We should all be so real and raw.
And, I'm so sure your friend did NOT care that you said that! GLAD you stayed. BTW, you could always just quit Facebook - I'm not on Facebook, and look at me? I'm surviving! ;)
first of all, how good of a friend is she? what was HER reaction to you responding like that? i think it all depends on the relationship you have together. but i probably wouldn't worry about it. if it's bugging you that much, then say something to her. i would appreciate it if someone told me something that was bugging them about what they did/said to me.
i am glad that you are continuing with your blog. it helps me realize that my feelings and emotions and state of mental unstableness is really quite common and ok ;) thanks kami!
jackie
Oh, that's no biggy! I usually insist that people pat my belly, it's so much more hygienic than a hand shake or hug.
Glad you're sticking around.
I am so happy you are keeping your blog.....you make me smile and laugh and feel "connected" to your life....sometimes in this crazy life we lead, connecting via the blog or email is all we have!
Kami, you had a reaction to your friend in a sincered, happy way, deep down you both know that...we have all said something and then regretted it..you are not the first!
When I was 8 weeks pregnanct some one told me i looked "poochy"....I laugh because YES you should look like that at 8 weeks!!!
Laugh about it, I am sure your friend is not losing any sleep over it...she is pregnant and thrilled I bet!
I'm so happy to hear you decided to stick around!
I wouldn't worry too much about your reaction. I'm sure your friend is getting all sorts of crazy reactions from people who A:) love her and are so happy they loose their senses for a few seconds or B:) are strangers and feel it's entirely appropriate to give her advice/criticism about her pregnancy/body/impending motherhood/future child's future potty-training escapades.
Since you fall into category A, I'm sure she will be more than happy to recount all the crazy category B stories to you over a yummy glass of iced tea ;)
If I had a dime for every time I wanted to blow up my site...
But I can't. And won't. And I'm glad you're keeping yours too.
As for your friend, I'm sure she wasn't offended - I wouldn't have been :)
Now I don't know this "friend" but if this all went down on thursday, I can assure you that this "friend" doesn't care. She is too happy to have you to talk with and hang out with and rant with, that this wouldn't phase her. Also to be clear, when I'm pregnant, I love the belly (maybe too much...) and love that I have it. Bring on the pat pat.
Wow, you wanted to give up blogging for that? If it something you had been praying about I am sure your friend understood and was thankful that you had been thinking of her. As much as I don't like others touching my belly (pregnant or not) I am sure she took it in stride and was happy that you cared so much.
If she's been hoping to have a baby as much as you expressed in this post then I'm guessing she was quite happy to have you pat her baby bump. And I'm sure she knows how genuinely happy you are for her.
P.S. If you leave me here in cyber space, you will be in BIG trouble. Understand??? ;-P
I'm glad you are still here, it might impact my sanity not being able to laugh "with" you. You have a great way of writing and I'm sure in real life you are just as charming. I think often we over-analyze what we say and do. Maybe don't think of it as touching her belly, but reaching out to welcome the new life. When you are old you can be one of those old ladies who leans in to the belly and sings to it, in the grocery store line to a stranger. It could've been more awesome, consider doing that the next time.
What would life be without our blog-let (my version of an outlet, although my blog has to be sensored due to family. If I said the things I think about some of my family....well, let's say I'd better not!). I'm super glad that you aren't disappearing from cyber space you'd be missed.
And in other creepy news I've attempted to add you on Facebook because well, I feel out of the loop that I didn't know you were in crisis! Hope that's not as weird as the belly rub, we've all done silly things like that. Keep watching my blog for a story about my Mom, an inappropriate comment about someone being pregnant and that someone NOT being prego. It's gonna make you feel way better!
You silly girl. As if we'd LET you leave? Silly, silly girl... muwaahaaahaaaa!!!
Balance. It's one of the hardest things to keep in this craziness. And quite frankly, she was asking for the belly pat! She DESERVED the belly pat!!
I never minded friends patting my belly. Strangers freaked me out, but my friends were welcome to touch it. I'm sure your friend knows you are excited for her and does not mind your actions at all.
And I'm glad you will continue to write here and elsewhere. I would miss you.
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