Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Things I have learned or Stewing or Meh - your choice

This past week was a weird one for me. Tuesday's news sent me into a bit of a funk, I won't lie. I know my health problems are treatable. I know they are not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things BUT they are health problems and they are new to me. I have been healthy my whole life. It's going to take a bit of adjusting, that's all. Give me time. Listen. Understand where I am coming from, if only for a minute. I don't think I am asking for much.

I am also going to work really hard on taking that very advice so I can be a better friend.

We are all entitled to our perspective. Sometimes we need to the see the other side but first, what we need is support, love and understanding. Venting is healthy. It's required for a girl like me who is very opinionated and gets in an uproar frequently. I know I go overboard. I do. I am working on this. When I'm perfect I'll let you know but I am guessing it will be about the same time as pig's fly and hell freezes over.

I don't know how to move on from something without working it out; without a discussion where both parties try to see the other's perspective. I just don't. And honestly, I hope I never do because that, to me, would mean that relationship was not real. It is based on falsehoods and walls and pretending. I would rather have nothing than that.

How do I stay true to who I am and still make improvements? This is one I go back and forth on. I am who I am. But what if who am I am and how I act is not okay? What if others see me in a different light? Do I hurt them like I sometimes get hurt by what others say? And if they told me, would I get defensive and try to justify what I said? Or would I apologize and try harder?

To be human is to be perfectly flawed. Am I perfectly flawed or just flawed?

These are some of the thoughts that are spinning through my head. It's busy up there. It good but on the other hand is sucking the joy and happiness from me.

But alas, that's enough of the pity party. On to more exciting and interesting things.


On October 4, 2009 I will Run for the Cure with Jen (she also made the button - thanks Jen!). We are also running a marathon relay this weekend along with Jay and another couple. The relay leg distances are all under 12 km which seems like a cake walk compared to the half marathon I did back in April. I am excited. It's going to be fun.

If you feel inclined to support this great cause, please click on the button and it will direct to you to the online donation site. Moral support is also welcomed.

I am rejoicing in the fact that while my body may have it's troubles, it can still do this. I don't plan on taking it for granted, EVER.

And my 3 boys, I just have to give them a shout out. Without them, I would be crumbling. Thank you Jay, Jack and Kamden. I love you beyond words.



Cheryl said...

so sweet, you are not flawed..you are you....noone is perfect!

I will be cheering you on from afar this weekend and glad we can both support the CIBC walk. Such a great cause, thanks for the donation my friend!!!

Lori: Teacher Turned Mommy said...

if everyone was perfect life would be dull. vent away, whine and complain... then do what you are doing... take the bull by the horns and go on with life.

hope your run goes smoothly (o:

Angella said...

I'm proud of you and Jen for doing this!

As for the other stuff, you know that I hear you. Hing in there, my friend.

Stacie's Madness said...

{{hugs}} you're on my mind, whether running or taking care of you, I THINK YOU'RE AMAZING!

Anonymous said...

jeez kami, sounds like we have way more in common than i realized. becoming a better friend/person/whatever is a tonne of work. sometimes not all pretty either. but its something that is a life long journey. i think i have become a much stronger person in the last 3 years, but there are times when i think i have digressed beyond recognition. hang in there. i believe that all this is part of you becoming true to yourself.......YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON!!!

i know your run will go well. good luck and i will be thinking of you this weekend!

Lorraine said...

I'll be thinking of you during your Run For The Cure:)

Life is like a journey through different seasons. Some season's are warm, sunny and vibrant and other season's are damp, cold and numbing. But each season brings something new in it's wake. And it's up to you how you decide to weather the storm:)

I pray your health problem(s) aren't too serious.

Elaine A. said...

You can pity party all you want, that's MY favorite kinda party lately!

That's wonderful about the run and very inspiring. I honestly can't wait to get back to running, though I know it will be a while yet.

Hang in there my friend and let me know if you ever need to vent more...

teeni said...

Sometimes you think too much and it hurts my head! LOL! Just kidding - it's funny because I worry about those things myself all the time. I can only figure that nobody on this rock is perfect and when we know we've hurt someone all we can do is try to be better in the future but we can't dwell on it either. We are also allowed to forgive ourselves even if others can't find it in their hearts to do so. That is their problem. We need to make the best decisions we can to live with a good conscience and have as few regrets as possible. I admire you, my friend, for being a forward thinker and for questioning things and always being a work in progress. I also admire how you always seem to be doing something to help others such as this run, even when dealing with your own health issues. You are a true inspiration. Hugs to you!!

Alicia W. said...

This is your blog.. were here as friends and you should be able to vent, cry, laugh and even cuss if you wanna. Just be you and that's ok. :)

I'll be thinking of you during your run - such a great thing your doing.


Ed said...

"Am I perfectly flawed or just flawed?"

I would say it's more flawed perfectly. It's a fine distinction but I think it's relevant. It is a part of who you are.

Think of a classic Fender Strat with the frets worn down and the finish dulled by years of precision performance. (I'm not calling you a twangy guitar just trying to create a metaphor--which I'm not very good at doing.)

Kami said...

Good for you for doing the run!! Good luck!

Sometimes people just don't get us, and never will. It's up to us to decide if we can live with that (relatives, I suppose) or if it's just time to move on (everyone else). That's not to say that we don't all have work to do on ourselves. Good for you for recognizing that. But don't beat yourself up if you're trying, and someone else is not. Life's too short, ya know?

And, you ALWAYS have us! We love you just the way you are, girl!

Mrs. Wilson said...

I definitely think that you are allowed to vent - and I don't mind listening, at all!! I love that you're opinionated. I'm sometimes not at all opinionated, and I think that's just as much of a problem as being overly opinionated. If that makes any sense.

I hate that you have those issues, but hopefully they'll get sorted out, and THANKFULLY, it's not stopping you from running! I'd be lost without my running buddy!

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Love you, sweetie. If a blog ever becomes a place where we can't vent about our problems, then they will cease to exist. Vent away.

Have a great run. I'm so proud of you!

Debbie said...

What a great cause. Good luck with your run.

Karen MEG said...

Wow, Kami, I totally hear you on the health trouble thing...it really sucks (I know, so eloquent) when the body starts failing you after you've been pretty healthy all around. It is good to know what you're facing though, and that there are treatments.

But I'm glad that you've got this place to vent, and truthfully, you're not ranting that badly...in fact, you've got an amazing attitude about the whole thing. You should be so proud of yourself, especially with your running and fundraising. And I know your boys are proud of you too.

Haley-O said...

You go girl -- the walk will be GREAT for you. So positive and reaffirming. SO sorry to hear you're having health problems. ((HUGS)) And, sweet Kam, you are PERFECTLY flawed. Perfectly.... :) xoxo

Natalie said...

i am so excited for you about your runs!

wish i could be there to give you a big hug! hope your week is better...