Say What?

This is the dreaded follow up post, the one after you bare your inner most secrets.

It's been a week.

I have several ideas for posts but for some reason none have come to fruition. But something happened today that got me irked. This I have to do a post about or I will lie awake at night writing the post in my head. They are always so much better in my head but never make it here.

Today, while I was watching the boys at swimming lessons, the lady I often chat with there, who I know only from there, asked me a question. Out of the blue.

It's the question I dread most.

Because the answer, it comes from deep within. It's been a very long journey that Jay and I have taken together.

A personal and therefore private journey. One that I have only shared with those closest to me until very recently.

"Are you going to have more children?"

Really? You, who I barely know, are asking me that?

There are many inappropriate questions in the world and I happen to think that this is one of them.

I'll admit, before I had kids and even after my first, I asked this very question of people I barely knew. What a fool I was. I had no idea. None.

It ranks right up there with have you gained weight? and when are you due? (dude, don't ask unless you are 100% sure).

It's actually a bit like asking, do you plan on winning the lottery? Why yes, on January 27, 2008, I will become a millionaire, how did you know?

Many people would love to have more children but can't. Or prematurely menopausal, have fertility issues etc. Personal things. Things that we are probably not going to tell you, random lady at the pool. Who, by the way, has two children the same ages as mine.

Here's the rest of the conversation, more or less, because I think it's kind of funny:

Lady: Are you going to have more any more children?
Me: *shocked look* No, we are done.
Lady: Yes, they are expensive and take a lot of time
Me: (in my head - Yes, that's exactly why. I mean, who has time for a baby with all the shopping, lunches with girlfriends and spa treatments to do!) Mmmm.

Silence

Me: That and I am menopausal.
Lady: Oh!

End conversation.

I like to throw that in for shock value. Hee hee. She asked!

One of my favourite Texans, Elaine twittered me a much better response.

"Well, only if my boyfriend knocks me up, my husband's water works don't work anymore."

Why don't I think of these things?

PS. I mean no offense to anyone who may have asked this of anyone because I am pretty sure that not all people would be offended by such a question. I am overly sensitive about it, given what we have gone through. This is just my take on it all.

There's a reason

We have two kids. Not necessarily by chance.

By choice.

The choice was one that was hard wrought, filled with tears, heartache and turmoil. Jay and I agree on just about everything but not on this.

I felt, very strongly in my heart, there was one more little soul out there waiting to join our family.

He, to put it mildly, did not. He couldn't put into words why, he just felt very strongly that we were very blessed to have our two healthy boys. He felt, very deeply, that asking for more was asking for too much.

I'll be honest. About half of my desire to have a third was to attempt to fulfill a dream I have always had of having a daughter. I understand how unique is the bond between mother and daughter as I have had the tremendous luck to share this bond with my own mother. I always dreamed I would someday get to be the mother in such a relationship.

It is not to be.

And that is not to say that the bond between mother and son is not unique. Absolutely it is. But it is different. To be treasured equally no doubt. But still very different.

Mid 2008, after almost three years of going back and forth on this, we came to the conclusion of this story.

For too long we sat on opposite sides of the fence. For this, there is no compromise.

Our only solution, to end the heartache was to medically intervene. As of September, it is no longer medically possible for us to conceive children.

And then I found out I am menopausal. If that isn't classic irony, I don't know what is.

And I wonder, was his ridiculously strong aversion to tempting fate a unique way of preventing us from bigger heartache? I honestly think so. It all makes sense now.

And since I have gone on the pill and my hormones have stabilized, I feel that feeling that for three years I did not have. This:


is our family. It is complete. Full. And it's mine.

In 2008, I came to realize just how lucky I was to have what I have. I have not endured the heartache that others have had to bear. I had two healthy, uneventful pregnancies that resulted in those two precious healthy boys. There will undoubtedly be heartache in the future for us, after all, life is not all roses, but I cannot control that and I will bear it when I have to.

For me, 2008 was a great year. At the beginning of the year, I was in turmoil.

Now I am at peace.

I am in love.

I am happy.

There is nothing more required.

Happy 2009

This year for Christmas, we made up a few calendars for relatives. Well technically Jay's sister, Michelle, made them and we printed them.

It got me inspired to make one for us. I used this on-line scrap booking site. I relied heavily on the already created templates since I have never in my life created a scrap book page. Then once I was done I exported them as jpeg files and printed them off on my own ink jet printer.

To bring in 2009, I thought I would share them with you since many of you don't get the chance to visit in real life. Basically I have nothing inspiring or full of wisdom to post so you get this instead. I am hoping it's better than nothing but you can be the judge of that!

(capition reads: I hope you fall in love with making music, that it will be one of your greatest passions, filling your heart with joy, and that through music, you discover that dedication and hard work are your greatest assets, Love Mommy)

(Sand castles, surf, sun, time with my boys, it was perfect)

(Little boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails)

(Our brave boy, his eye needed fixing, he faced it with such courage)

(True Love, 10 years of wedded bliss, let there be 60 more, filled with love, laughter and good health)

(Day and Night, when you are sleeping, it's hard to believe you are ever anything but still and serene, when you are awake it's hard to believe you would ever sit still)

(Learning so much, making the grade, 100%, you've set the bar high, we couldn't be prouder of who you are)

And lastly a couple of shots of the boys waiting for their cousins to arrive on Christmas Eve.

Not so patiently.

May 2009 bring nothing but joy and happiness to you and your loved ones!

Happy Holidays

Holiday Joy

Jack asked for a Transformer for Christmas. Against my better judgment, which includes the knowledge that he already has a couple of little transformers that fall to pieces if you so much as look at them, never mind try to *gasp* transform them, Kamden and I selected Optimus Prime.

We opened gifts as a family today. A tradition we began about three years ago since we spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our extended family out of town.

We do this for a couple of reasons, firstly, we don't own an 18 wheeler (shocking, I know). This is what would be required on the trip home to haul our gifts to them plus what family bestows upon them.

Secondly, and more importantly, we like to have a day where it's just the four of us and the new toys. The boys get our undivided attention and we play, play and play. It even includes ordering dinner, this year, Thai Chicken Pizza, what else?

Optimus Prime was unwrapped, or uncloth bagged as we do it here, and pulled out of the @#$%#@@ packaging. Seriously, why is every toy packaged like it's an atomic bomb?

Within 3 seconds, 6 separate pieces that make up our hero, Optimus, had already fallen off. Jack tried to put them back on and 4 more pieces broke off of the piece he was trying to re-attach.

Fast forward 5 min and he brings me a pile of no less that 450 SEPARATE pieces of plastic that came apart as he tried to change, and if this isn't irony I don't know what is, the toy that is supposed to, wait for it....TRANSFORM from a truck or some unknown form of vehicle, to a super robot who can save the world.

I felt this was a good time to introduce the correct use of profanity into the boys' vocabulary.

And it hadn't broken if that's what you are thinking. Oh no, the geniuses who designed dear Optimus actually intend for the thing to come apart into no less than 645 separate pieces. The geniuses are getting a nice package full of what remains of Optimus Prime, may he rest in peace.

And then I opened my gift from the boys. It contained a singing snowman (a tradition) and a Shamwow.

I wish I were kidding. This is what happens when you decide NOT to exchange gifts with your spouse. Consider yourself warned.

What did I give him you might ask?

Workout clothes. Maybe we're even?

Date weekend

This past weekend was wonderful. The kids were absent.

Not that we didn't miss them.

But we were having a lot of fun. Shopping. My husband is one of the few men on this planet who doesn't mind shopping. Don't hate me.

We hit the mall and Toys R Us and very nearly completed the Christmas shopping. And we got some new duds for the two of us. Jay's work clothes needed some updating and me, well, you see, I got rid of anything remotely warm on account fo the hot flashes.

Now, I am FREEZING cold all the time. Sweaters and long sleeved shirts were on the agenda.
Layering is so in right now, thank goodness!

There is no happy medium my thermostat. Only extremes.

Then we got all dolled up and headed out for a nice dinner.

We clean up okay, when we put some effort into it. And don't worry, I wore a jacket over the sleeveless shirt.

For dinner we tried an upscale place. Our tastes have gotten a bit more sophisticated than the A&W burgers we once dined on when out on dates. I had a pancetta wrapped tuna that was unbelievable. Sometimes I wish I lived closer to the sea, I do love me some tuna.

And call me crazy but a dinner out without colouring sheets and crayons is a nice treat every now and then.

It's so nice to have that time together and we really enjoy it because we don't get it that often.

And don't worry about the kids, they were hanging out with my parents and had lots of fun.

Thanks Grandma and Pop, we hope you enjoyed it as much as we all did!

Don't forget to enter my contest, it closes Thursday December 4.
Whoa, it's December already? Where did the time go?

Because its a first

My lovely friend, Elaine emailed me tonight to say, you know you are on there right? And by there she meant, The Canadian Blog Awards .

Um, that would be a no!

So I click here and what do I see?

Kami's Khlopchyk!!! Nomiated for Best Family Blog

Among people like:

Angella of DutchBlitz fame, a literal blogging celebrity and luckily enough for me also a personal friend.

and Don Mills Diva , who is pretty famous herself!

To say that I am beyond honoured to be in their and all the other nominees company, is a astronomic understatement.

I have no idea who might have nomiated me, but whoever you are, I really would love to know. Really. And then I will send you something really nice. I promise.

And also if you are so inclined, go ahead and vote for me, you will have my undying devotion!

To vote go here .