Sunday, June 08, 2008

Number 7

Today marks the day I entered motherhood. Last year's birthday post cannot be topped. I still echo everything I wrote last year so this year I finally, 7 years later, will document my labour, or lack thereof, and delivery story.

Seven short years ago I wasn’t a Mom yet. I mean I was because I was pregnant with my little bean but I didn’t know the joy, the ever bounding love, the perpetual worry and extreme pride of being a mother. I hadn’t held my baby in my arms. I didn’t know his name. I didn’t even know he was a he.

Those things are not possible to experience until you live them.

What I did know was that he was upside down or breach as the doctors call it. Frank breach to be exact which means that his feet were up by his ears. Flexible yes, stubborn, well yes, also that. In an effort to avoid a C-section, we had gone through a procedure a couple weeks before called external cephalic version, which is a really fancy name for attempting to turn the baby or in layman’s terms, holy hell that hurts. The stubborn part was evident, the little dude was going no where.

He was quite comfy with his left butt cheek perched there on my bladder, his right on my stomach. His head? Compressing my lungs so that a nice satisfying deep breath eluded me for the latter 2 months of the pregnancy, though it was neat to see the outline of his head pop out of my tummy when he would move.

Scheduled C-section it was. The neat thing is that we knew the day he would be born about a week and half in advance.

As they wheeled me down to the OR I began shake uncontrollably. What’s wrong I asked the nurse. Nerves she said.

What? I am fine I was thinking.

It’s amazing how delusional one can be when entering the OR for the first time to have your first child. Who was I kidding? My life was changing and in a big way. I had no idea.

I was given a spinal and immediately started acting neurotic. If you know me, you know that you could use a lot of words to describe me, kooky, crazy, opinionated, mouthy, clumsy but neurotic would never enter your mind.

It was the first of 3 interesting reactions I would have to the drugs involved in having a baby via C-section.

As the doctor made the incision I became even more agitated. I can feel that, should I be able to feel that? Try be awake while someone is slitting you open with a knife and let me know how calm you are. Me not so calm.

“I see a wrinkly hip!” the doctor exclaimed.

Followed very shortly by, “It’s a boy!”

Then I saw a blur of what was my first born fly by to the team from NICU. I am pretty sure I was crying.

And I woke up an hour and half later asking Jay the same three questions over and over.

“Where am I?”
“We had a boy, right?”
“Where is my baby?”

That, my friends, is the magic of Valium (weird reaction #2).

Due to my neurotic behavior (um, I just had a baby, was I not entitled to shed a tear or two?) I was given Valium to calm me down not 40 second after “giving birth”. The result? Being robbed of any type of birth experience I had ever envisioned in all my 27 years.

A few days later I also had the extreme pleasure of feeling the overwhelming hopelessness that is postpartum depression. I was lucky though, for me it a reaction to one of the pain medications I was on (weird reaction #3). I would not wish that feeling on my worst enemy. My heart goes out to anyone who must face that struggle whether it be post partum or otherwise.

Now I know I sound bitter and ungrateful, but if I could, would I change any of it?

Not a chance.

Happy Birthday Jack! You changed my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you are interested, a plethora of pictures from birth to age five can be found here, here and here .



Hannah said...

Happy Birthday, Jack! Wow, 7 years old!
It was interesting to read your birth story. Sounds like a fairly evenful labour and birth (and I had PPD ... twice ... so I know how you felt during that time). Agree with you though, wouldn't change anything. You have a beautiful boy to show for all that hard work! He's just the cutest and you should be super proud of yourself and him.

Hope he has a great day!

Laski said...

Happy Birthday mama and Jack!!! I love, love these stories.

He is beautiful--you and daddy did a great job :)

Angella said...

Happy Birthday, Jack!!

Wow - I have not heard his birth story before - sorry it was so rough!!

That second last photo? You can totally tell is Jack, even as a newborn!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Jack! He looks like his daddy, doesn't he? At least in these pictures. They have a similar expression on their faces. Cute, cute kid there. I am gong to go look at your other ones you linked to now...

teeni said...

Wow - you went through a LOT! If I had been your fairy godmother, no drugs would have been needed for you, so you could have had your perfect birth experience. I think we both know though that you wouldn't change a thing because your end result was a wonderful, adorable and healthy baby boy. Happy Birthday, Jack! And hugs to my mommy friend Kami!

LVGurl said...

Happy Birthday, Jack!!

(Seven sounds so big and grown up!)

Makenna was frank breech, too. They didn't figure it out until the day she was born. My fluid was low, so I didn't have to make that decision to flip her or not!

When they were preparing to take Makenna to the NICU, my body started showing signs of severe panic. The anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me something to sleep. I pretty much yelled at him to not give me ANYTHING until I saw Makenna. The minute I kissed her cheeks before they wisked her away, the doc gave me something. ACK!

Anyway, I love how we can still see our newborns in our grown children! I also love that first picture of you holding Jack... he's smiling!

Conor said...

Happy Birthday Jack! Wow, 7 years old already!


mamatucci said...

Happy Birthday Jack!
It is nice when its all a memory and you have a precious little boy to love.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

That was such a nice post--Happy Birthday Little man.

Kristin said...

Happy 7th Birthday to Jack!

I loved seeing the pics of him as a baby, so sweet, and the last one of him I think is Awesome!

Elaine A. said...

I'm a day late in wishing your Jack a Happy Birthday!! I hope he had a great one Kami! He's such a good lookin' kid. You are so blessed, as is he to have you as his Mommy!

P.S. our sets of boys are about the same amount of time apart in age!

Misty said...

C-sections are weird all the way around. I had Hannah vaginally, and then Ian and Olivia were taken by c-section. Both really crazy experiences, and very different.

I love the pictures, the story.... all of it. Darling in every way. Truly.

Stacie said...

awe, you are right...the end result is ALWAYS worth it.

Happy birthday Jack!

Motherhood for Dummies said...

happy birthday. It really does goes by as fast as they say, doesn't it? I keep waiting to blink and find my little girl a teenager. :) She already is so big.

Hope Jack has a good birthday

Kellan said...

Lovely birth pictures of your adorable boy. Alexis was breach (c-section) and I was born breach (years ago - not c-section). Happy Birthday Jack - I hope it is wonderful! Take care - Kellan

kaylee said...

Oh wow HE is a great boy :)

Ashley said...

Happy Birthday Jack!

BeachMama said...

Happy Birthday Jack!

What a wonderful story to share. Sometimes the hard times are harder to share with everybody, but I have found that so many people have learned something from my hard times that I am not shy to share anymore.

KATE said...

Awww.... So sweet!

Karen MEG said...

I can't believe I missed this ... happy belated birthday Jack!! 7 years old, what a big boy!!!

The first is always intimidating; sorry you had such weird reactions to those drugs. I could not imagine PPD, it sounds just horrible.

Great birth story, Kami. And you remembered a lot considering how drugged up you were ;).
Fantastic photos of your new family too --- you look so thrilled!!!

Alex Elliot said...

Great birth story and I love how honest it was. I remember being convinced during my first c-section that there was going to be a fire and I would have no way of getting out of the OR. Thanks for participating in the Happy Birth Days Carnival!

Whirlwind said...

What a great post!