Thursday, November 20, 2008

Men- o- WHAT?

First of all, thank you, thank you, and more thank you's for all the wonderful comments on my last post. I know it was whiney but I feel so much better for having gotten it off my chest. All your comments were like food for my soul and I can't thank you enough.

I have an inkling as to what some of the issue with my lack of inspiration to post.

You see, my body is going through a change right now and this change started about two years ago. I was in denial about it for a long time. I had all the symptoms but I was WAY too young.

Hot flashes, check
Irregular cycle, check
Mood swings, Hell to the yeah!

The hot flashes I chocked up to my new found love of coffee and the caffeine it contains. A simple switch to decaf should cover that. July and the sweat that poured off of me such that I frequently stuck my head in the freezer proved that little theory wrong. Just to clarify, I was the only one sweating, including my mother. No, she was laughing hysterically at me like I did at her when she was in the throes of menopausal hot flashes. We love each other like that.

Irregular cycles are nothing new to me, it took us much longer than planned to have Kamden due to 90 day plus cycles. And really, when not trying to get pregnant, you won't find me complaining about 90 days without Aunt Flo.

Recently, my doctor confirmed after several blood tests, my hormone levels are indeed that of a woman in menopause. Try to keep back tears when you are told that at age 34. I double dog dare you.

But in reality it was the initial shock and that has worn off. We are done having kids, so no concern there. I could have a bazzillion other things that would be much more severe. It just menopause.

Ha! Maybe that's an oxymoron.

Despite the diagnosis, I hadn't considered that I was suffering from moood swings until about 3 weeks ago. I had an emotional break down. Complete with headache inducing sobbing. Oh yeah, it was all kinds of glamourous.

I was talking to my mom when I started crying. I was talking about my oldest son and how he is way too much like me. Shy and too easily contented to sit on the sidelines not joining in with the other kids. It pretty much breaks my heart. The tears started.

Then the dam broke.....

All the stuff eating at me for the last little while spilled out, the least of which was Jack's shyness by the way.

It was liberating to let it out.

Not that I had been holding it in per se but I was holding back. Trying not to let stuff bother me, trying to pretend it didn't bother me as much as it really and honestly did.

But my mom, ever the wise one, suggested that maybe, just maybe, the sobbing mess that was her daughter at that moment could be because of the low hormone levels.

AHA moment, AHA moment (thanks for that Oprah).

So off I went to the doctor to discuss something I was previously adverse to. Hormone replacement therapy. Sounds fancy doesn't it?

It's not. It's the pill. That's right the same one millions of women use as birth control. At my age, that's all I need.

I am not overly keen on the pill for a few reasons, one being that Jay has gone through the procedure to make it impossible for us to have any more kids, the other being that I have heard the hormones are getting into our water supply and can't be removed. If that isn't frightening, I don't know what is.

But the lows, the valleys if you will. They were killing me slowly. It was time to do something. So had to put aside my reservations and go on the pill. It was for everyone's safety, trust me.

Alas, it's been three weeks and the sting of most of the stuff of my last post is lessening. And maybe, just maybe it is partly due to the balance that has been restored to my homone levels.

Either way, it's good to be me again.



Lori said...

glad you got some answers and some help too

LVGurl said...

I'm so sorry :( The good news is that you have two fantastic kids!! Imagine if this set in before you started your family :( But still, the physical effects of going through that can't be fun.

I'm thinking of you!! :)

teeni said...

Yikes. I don't wish it on anyone but to be honest, for me, I prefer the hot flashes over the menstrual cramps! If the hormones help you, then there is nothing wrong with it. Just keep an eye on how you are feeling and make sure to do your monthly checks! Hugs to you, my prematurely menopausal friend.

teeni said...

And welcome to the prematurely menopausal club, I might add!

Hannah said...

Wow. This comes as such a shock - I am so sorry that you have had to go through early menopause. I have a good friend going through it right now, she is a couple of years older than you. But she only has one child, and wanted more, so it's quite tragic.
It must have been so hard for you to come to terms with this diagnosis, because it's obviously not something you expect to happen in your 30's! I'm glad that the medication seems to be helping your mood, although I do understand your reluctance to go back on the pill. But trust the docs, they know what's best for you.
((Hugs)) to you, my special friend.

Natalie said...

wow girl! i am very glad that you are feeling more like yourself and that your hormones are regulated for everyone's safety. i think i would be just as resistant of the pill since david has had the same procedure you speak of.

hugs to you!

Elaine A. said...

Already?? Really?

Just remember we're here for you no matter your mood or hormone levels! : ) But most importantly, YOU feel better and that's what really matters.

Kristin said...

Well now you know and like you said things make a bit more sense now. And now you have an excuse too. ;)
I hope things continue to even out and get better for you. ((hugs))

BeachMama said...

I know the pill sucks, but if it helps you out then I guess it isn't such a bad thing.

Reading your last two posts though really makes me feel like we are living parallel lives. We seem to be sharing some of the same issues in our lives yet miles apart. I don't have early menopause, but the hormones definitely haven't balanced out properly yet from having Miss Apple. Will give it a little bit longer before pursuing treatment though, just in case it works out itself.

Sending you some Hugs to get through this trying time.

Stacie said...

omg sweetie...fucking your age...THAT SUCKS!!! And then to have to go on the pill like you are a teenager??? ugh. I am so sorry! Hang in there, because, it doesn't last forever...

right? it doesn't does it? I mean all the crap that goes along with it?

My mom, luckily, is 50 (2 or 3, can't remember) and she hasn't even STARTED her stage hopefully that means, I won't start until much later either. (not to rub it in or anything)

you are in my thoughts. HUGS

Anonymous said...

I am glad to hear you are feeling better. You know where to find me if you need to talk.


Ashley said...

It's great to hear you're feeling a little more like yourself! How awesome that it's just the pill that you need to help settle your moods, can we give it to ever over emotional female(not that you were over emotional)? Just kidding, I can't believe your mom is still standing, everytime my mom tries to blame an emotional outburst on something female - pregnant, my period....I blow my lid and she's left headless for a day or two. But good thinking Mom,what a simple fix to what sounds like a super frustrating situation.

The White Family said...

So glad your beginning to feel a little bit better. It's no fun being in a funk and your body doing all kinds of weird shit. Were all here for you to vent to, laugh with and even cry when needed. Cheers to feeling better Kami! :o)

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

I am new here! What a great blog :)

Tracey said...

:( but :) that you're coming back to us...

No other real comment or advice, but know that you can always email me to whine or rant in a more private spot than your blog, if you so desire.


Trying to Stay Calm! said...

Hey I hope you have an awesome weekend! Check out my blog to get your awards with l♥ts of l♥ve from me :) ♥ Hugs! :) Shauna

Stacy said...

Oh girl....I so do not envy you. But I am glad you are feeling better.

Karen MEG said...

Aw, Kami, I'm glad that you figured out the root of everything. That is REALLY quite early, I'm so glad that you've got your perfect family ( I was 34 when I finally got pregnant with the boy; and almost 40 when I had the girl, so it's a very good thing for you...).

I'm on the pill still, but ironically enough mostly for my acne (I laugh at all those Yasmin commercials , yeah, I'm spreading the word too LOL!) after all, who has time for anything else when you're in your 40s with young kids and you're tired all the time...But honestly, obviously nothing wrong with taking it for hormonal therapy.

reminds me, I suppose I should see my doctor soon myself ;)

KAYLEE said...

glad you are better!

KATE said...

I'm SO glad you're feeling more like yourself now! I'm so sorry and it just seems to crazy, you're WAY too young!
Hang in there, Take Care and all that warm and fuzzy crap! love ya!

Threeboys1mommy said...

Aha Moments are the greatest moments. 34 is way too young, NOT FAIR hormone gods!

Anywho, I'm so glad you're feeling better Kami and don't worry about you're baby that way, he'll be fine because Kami is his mommy.

Kellan said...

Those damn hormones!! I am sorry you are going into early menopause, but I'm glad you are getting help and the hormone replacement therapy should definitely help. My hormornes have been out of control for several years - you are not alone! Take care and I'll talk to you soon - Kellan

Trevor said...

If this is working for you, stick with it. Don't worry about water supplies and all that (you can't believe 1/20 of what the media reports). You know well that as a pharmacist, I am firm believer in drugs!! All kidding aside, your situation is not all that uncommon and I know it's been frustrating, but this may take a lot of the edge off. I've had to start using a nasal spray so I can sleep at night without getting congested. Obviously this is nowhere near as serious but I resisted too. Resist no more, feel better and let it ride!!!!

Trev "If I referee a game and both teams are mad at me, I assume that means I did my job"