Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Rut of magnificent proportions

I haven’t had the urge to write much lately…at least not that I could or would share here. I actually have a couple things that I would very much like to write about.

In fact, I did do a whole post on one of the events of late, one that really made me angry. However, the post is ranty and could be very hurtful should the person involved in the event read it. Since the whole blowup was about hurtful words and taking responsibility for your own words and how they might be interpreted, I best not be a hypocrite. However, writing about it helped me a great deal as it is want to do.

The other is an issue I would like to write about because it is one of those gut wrenching things, things that are not supposed to happen to anyone let alone a friend. But it is not my story to tell therefore I have no business writing about it here.

So I come to the rut that I am in. The one where I just can’t seem to find the time, let alone the passion to write about anything. And really, this shouldn’t surprise me because I am not a writer, I have never been a writer. Frankly stringing four words together in a coherent sentence was a feat for me not so long ago. I think I string them okay now but the coherent part might be up for debate.

When I started this site I had barely written anything beyond the bazillion or so accounting exams to obtain my accounting designation and, those frankly don’t count. Not too much feeling or passion in a business case response.

But in the first year or two I was a posting machine, posts up the ying yang, almost daily. Lately I seem to be lucky if I can pull together one post a week.

I think I might know why and I might even write about it because writing is good therapy and that topic will hopefully not offend anyone.

I also started worrying endlessly that my words here might be offending to some. And after being offended by someone’s words, that really hit home. I am always surprised at who reads this and who doesn’t. Some of my closest friends do and some of them don’t. Why I wonder?

I wonder if my posts offend people. I guess some of them must. I am very opinionated, I’ll be the first to admit it and it’s almost impossible not to offend someone when you express your opinion.

I have some super awesome friends in the flesh, and without them (and my family both immediate and extended), life would be fairly dull and lonely. They are supportive, even when I might be wrong, and for that, and about 1,000 other things, I love them dearly.

Life is about the relationships that you forge, not the stuff you accumulate. However, lately, some of those relationships seem to be accumulating baggage. And not the good kind, no fancy clothes or yummy treats but rather emotional baggage.

I tried to work one of those out by expressing my issues. It got me nowhere fast. And by nowhere I actually mean spitting mad. Nothing like being told your opinion doesn’t really matter to stoke a fire. I gave up. The relationship will survive, because we are family. But is it broken? Most definitely. At least civility will reign but beyond that only time will tell.

The other one, I haven’t even touched yet. With everything that’s be going on, I am not in the mood to tackle it. But I will because that relationship is VERY important to me and it will be saved. I know it will. All friendships have rocky periods and this is just one of them.

So there it is. My heart on my sleeve as always. Bear with me my friends, I will climb out of this rut if it’s the last thing I do.

Either that or I will grow thicker skin and get over myself. That would be a good thing I am certain.



Stacie said...

in case you wonder, you have NEVER offended me. :) I am here if you want to vent randomly without judgement. :)

Lori said...

you'll figure it out. remember why you started and go back to that "place" and you may find the desire to post again

Angella said...

Aw, Kami. It sounds like you are having a rough go. Yo have my number if you ever need to chat...

teeni said...

I wish I could help. But just so you know, I've never been offended by you or your opinions. If we ever differ that is okay because we are allowed to have different opinions. As for your writing - I think you do wonderfully well at stringing your words together and the thoughts with them. I always enjoy reading your posts and your thoughts. I love how you write and all the quips and witties you throw into your fun posts. I love seing your thoughts and opinions on your thoughtful posts. It sounds like you are doing the best you can with the relationships. Some, I am finding, are just meant to be civil even though we wish they could be more. It takes two though. Sending good energy and hugs your way!

Kellan said...

I always find your posts refreshing and wonderful. I've never known you to write anything offensive.

It sounds like you are going through some difficult times with some friends/family. It is never as easy and I hope it all works out.

Take care and I'll see you soon- Kellan

Karen MEG said...

Never offended Kami. It sounds like an emotional time for you right now. I think it's great therapy to write, and even if you don't post, it's best to get it off your chest.

I find blogs are like waves ... ebbs and flows.

And you're a great writer.

Only get to it when you feel like it. Otherwise it just isn't fun. And I hope you find your fun again soon.


The White Family said...

Kami - I hate to hear you down!! I love your blog and I have always found it one of my top reads. Hope things get better for you. Sure have missed ya!

Hannah said...

Kami, you are a great writer. And I have to say that nothing you have ever written on your blog has been offensive to me. I think you are a sweet & gentle person, and anytime you have written about your opinon on something, you have done so graciously and without sounded arrogant or like a "right-fighter".
I am sad that you have some relationship things to deal with, things that have hurt and saddened you. I know that is hard, so hard. But you will come through the other side, I guarantee it. The relationships may be different afterwards (I speak from experience here!) but perhaps that is for the best? Hang in there, babe. And remember that you are loved!

Kristin said...

Hi - I randomly found your blog a link on a link I think, and I've been lurking awhile so at this post I must say something. I really enjoy you on my reader. You say you are not a writer but I think you are great, not too wordy, with a sense of humour. Somehow I can just relate to the things you say. So thanks for writing what you do.

Kristin said...

I have noticed that you haven't "been around" as much lately. Sorry to hear you are having a rough patch. :( I am sure it will pass. I will be praying for you.
oh and just so you know I don't find you offensive, and I am always happy to see when my feed reader tells me you have a new post. :)

mamatucci said...

I have never been offended. i think you are great. I understand your friend dilemma as i am having one with my friend of 16 years and I never think it will be the same. And it hurts doesnt it. I hope everything works out.

Elaine A. said...

Life is full of hills and valleys and your just kinda hangin' in the valley right now. At least you still have a beautiful view, right? ; )

I wouldn't read your blog if I didn't like what you had to write. And since I'm here all the time I think you know what that means! Hugs my friend!

Threeboys1mommy said...

Thicker skin will also come in handy for the upcoming winter months ;)

BTW I can't imagine you offending anyone.

Anonymous said...

I read this post. I read lots of them. I don't comment on them because I prefer chatting in person, and hearing the stories in person, and sometimes I just can't relate. But in person doesn't happen enough lately. I miss you! We need to get together more, chat more, hang out more, watch a movie, play stock ticker - anything, everything... we are at different places in our life - but have too much history to burn the bridge (or let it fall apart)