Parenting 101

Parenting is learned, but it isn't taught.

What?

That's right you have to learn the hard way. The school of "experience".

Is it fun?

Ill be honest, not usually.

I am I fast learner?

Let's just say I have some bruises. Does the term the school of hard knocks mean anything to you?

Kamden also likes to run head on into my legs when I am sitting on the couch. My physical bruises stem directly from those incidents. The other bruises are earned through blood, sweat and tears in this "job" called parenting.

Like many women, I had ideals before I became a parent. I never thought I would yell at my children. Or get frustrated and loose my patience. Or nag. No especially not that. I mean, my kids will listen the first time I ask them to do something.

*stops to shine halo and halos of future children*

I'll be honest. I do all of those things. Daily. Daily might be an exaggeration but I am being real here.

A guy I worked with once told me he had NEVER yelled at his kids. He also told me he made all his baby food from scratch. He also told me that once I had kids I would no longer recycle since it is so much work. Hmmm, I am I the only one who sees the irony there?

Well I do yell at my kids. I did not make all my baby food from scratch (I did make some, Jack spit it out and Kamden loved it - you win some, you lose some). And I do recycle.

*tries unsuccessfully to unbend and polish tarnished halo*

I have reached another milestone on this journey called parenting. Bribery.

That's right. One of the oldest tricks in the books. And one that I am certain very few parenting professionals would advocate.

But I did it. And guess what? It worked.

You see my Jack has an issue with pants. Well the issue is actually his lack of waist. The pants, well some them don't really stay up. To alleviate this problem in the past, I would roll the waist band up.

It had become a habit. He was rolling ALL of his pants even those that fit him properly. He had come to determine that his "waist" was somewhere near his armpits, so not only would he roll them but he would pull them up to kingdom come.

This resulted in it looking like he regulary walked around in flooded basements or he was channelling Steve Urkel.

Either way, it was more than this Type A could bear.

So after much haggling and *gasp* nagging (did I just type that?) with zero success, I struck a deal. If he could get through one day without rolling his pants he earned a whole full size chocolate bar that he could consume in one sitting (almost unheard of around here if Mom is around, Dad, well that's another story). If he could do it for a week? A whole $20 to spend on whatever he wanted.

After one week and two days I am happy to report that one seven year old has $20 to his name.

Habit broken = success!

Now if I could just "fix" this damn halo.

Oh hell what's the use, I'll just get a new one.