Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A Man (boy) of Few Words

I am married to a man of few words. When asked how his day was, he has been known to reply, well it's over. Classic, no?

Thankfully that does not describe him in his entirety. He does talk about his day, when he can get a word in edgewise for all my babbling. Jay, Kamden ate a carrot for lunch, Jay, I had a cup of coffee, Jay I got some work done....and so on and so forth.


He is bombarded with the mundane details of my day, when I am done, the silence probably feels good.

He is also my bestest friend in the universe (what am I 12?) and we talk about everything and anything. Sometimes I even shut up long enough to hear what he has to say. And guess what? He rarely disappoints. He keeps me in check. Trust me. I need him.

Together, we created this adorable creature.

I know! You want to dine on thighs. I hear you.

By this age (around one year) he had a healthy vocabulary, one of his first words was "ditty" for dirty. I need to pull out the videos and watch some of that cuteness.

By two he was speaking in full sentences.

By the time he was three, he had no baby accent left. He actually never really did, at least not in comparison to his younger brother, who at age four, still has one (not that I am complaining, I love it!).

At three he started preschool and upon arriving home, would tell me, in great detail, everything that his blanket had done at school that day. At that time, his blanket was like his imaginary friend and everything he did, his blanket did too. I loved it. Here was my boy, who told me everything. I was in denial that it would last forever.

By the time he hit Kindergarten, the answers to my questions about school were becoming yes or no's. Sigh. It was already starting. You know, the man traits. Whereby they become men of few words. Or in this case, boy.

When prompted with specific questions, he will let loose with some details of the day. But only when he is in the mood. I get it. He's been stimulated all day at school, when he comes home he is ready to decompress. Maybe relax with a drink. What is he 35 yo CEO?

I kid, I kid. Even kids need to decompress. They need to be kids. They need to play with the millions of toys that clutter the house (No, I never threaten to get rid of the toys when they claim there is nothing to do. WHO would do that?)

At school all day he is busy sitting still, learning, absorbing and maybe having a little fun too. I know when he gets home, he is ready to leave that all behind.

But my boy, who used to be with me 24-7, is now away from me for five hours a day, with a short lunch break which consists of questions about what he wants for lunch, requests to quit running around the living room and come and eat already, to admonishments about chewing with his mouth closed (please teach your children this skill if you want them to have any friends when they are adults - trust me on this one) and for the love of all that is holy, eat over your plate already.

Lunch is then inhaled, dishes are put away (also teach them that useful skill - how hard is it to put dishes in the dishwasher?) and the crumb festival that remains is swept up and off to school he goes again.

As a mother, I want to retain a connection with my son. One that will last a lifetime but not one that involves him still living in my basement when he is 35. Nor do I want to be the kind of mother that his wife feels she has to compete with. Who wants to be THAT mother? Where I want to be is somewhere smack dab in the middle of that.

I feel like the sheer quantity of time he is away from me is pulling him a little bit further away.

I know I can't have him forever. He has to fly out on his own. I just hope that every now and then he'll call to tell me what's up. And stop by for dinner every now and then. You know, if we live in the same city. What? Following him around the country isn't cool? All I am saying is that he moves somewhere warm, you know, like NOT the Arctic, Jay and I might move too. You know, to see the grandkids.

This boy? This creation of our love? He is pretty damn amazing and I hope he always lets us in on a little bit of that.

I guess we should be building skills now to survive the black hole of teenage hood, no?



nicole said...

He gets to come home for lunch? How old school! This is a lovely post Kami.

Angella said...

What a great post, Kami.

I wish we lived close enough to the school for the boys to come home at lunch...

mamatucci said...

ahh babies growing up is the hardest part. He's a cutie for sure

Kami said...

Oh my God, Kami, I have tears here. My daughter is only 15 months and I already find myself wistful and sad that things won't always be this way. She will grow up and move away...Oh it breaks my (fairly) new mommy heart. You put those feelings into beautiful words. Save this and give him a copy someday.

Hannah said...

Wow, awesome post! Watching them grow up is hard sometimes. Ethan is much the same as Jack with his "yes" or "no" answers ... but come bedtime, he is ALL about the talking. That is when all the hairy questions are asked, the deep & meaningful conversations. It frustrates me sometimes (because, "GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!") but I know I need to cherish it before he stops speaking altogether and learns to speak Grunt.

P.S. School children come home everyday for lunch? Is that optional or do all kids do it?

Cheryl said...

I loved reading that, He is so special, quiet and smart, you can sense that by being around him.
Ahhhh, now I can relax.... thanks Kami, what a great great post

Anonymous said...



Leslie said...

That's exactly what I was thinking!!! I could "dine" on his thighs!!! Mine look like that too!!

Mrs. Wilson said...

Aw! I think it's neat that he gets to come home at lunch. I've heard that a few schools here allow that - I don't think Kaylie's school is one of those though.

Great post. I'm not looking forward to my kids moving on and getting on with their lives without me, but I'm sure that by the time I'm living in their teenage years, I'll be a little more okay with it!

Stacie's Madness said...

great post.
my daughter is much the same in her answers...so it might be a kid thing and not a boy/man thing. ;)

Elaine A. said...

I really enjoyed reading this. Guess it's a little bit of a glimpse into my future. He sounds a lot like Ben in his early speech, etc.

And I'll talk to him, tell him to move his family down to Texas. Then we can all hang out - grandkids and all! : )

Threeboys1mommy said...

Diego has never been able to communicate his day with me, it's so frustrating. I love the last picture.

R Family of 4 said...

He is an amazing little boy and we arre lucky to be a small part of his life.

OMG that chub is to die for ;-)

A Crafty Mom said...

Wow - that's awesome, Kami. He sounds amazing. It's funny how when our kids are little, we yearn to have some time away from them and have a break. Then we get that break, and we want them right back where they were. I have so many little ones all day during the day right now that I would give my left arm for one of them to be at school all day (my oldest is in junior kindergarten, so he goes half a day which only equates to 2 1/2 hours).

I can see from your post where my future will be headed . . . and it's like EVERYONE always tells me "enjoy times while they're young, you'll never get this back".

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I hear ya, mama. Take him out, one on one. MAKE him talk to you. Tell him jokes. Make him think you're cool, before he realizes you're, you know: HUMAN.

Natalie said...

i really think if you would just bring him to six flags one time, he would set his heart toward texas for all of your futures!!! just a thought...

what a great post. and i agree you have a pretty great kid there. oh and i'm jealous...kirstyn won't get to come home for lunch next year in kindergarten...they take her from 8-3:30!

Kristin said...

This was a bit heart-wrenching. Great writing.

Ed said...

This was really nice--made me kind a warm inside. He's a cute kid!

teeni said...

Aw, so sweet! Your boys are adorable and I can totally understand why moms wouldn't want their kids to grow up. Heck, that has to be harder than letting them go to school! I don't know if I could do it. Yikes. :shock: LOL