Friday, March 16, 2012
It's Not You, It's Me
It's been six years to the month since I started this here blog. Just a minute as I process that because where did the time go, exactly?
My boys were aged 5 and 2 years old respectively. Back then, I was doing some contract work from home very part time and spending my days doing preschool drop off, Kindermusik and gymnastics.
Much of that was discussed here in great detail. I love to read the posts about the kids because the stories you think you will remember, you so do not remember. We pick up the books I had made of the posts and we laugh, and laugh and laugh. Those were the days to use an overused because it's so true cliche.
I do not love to read the myopic posts (over share much?). I physically cringe because the stark raving need for attention is quite embarrassing. Though the self-depreciating humour does still crack me up from time to time.
Life has changed dramatically in those 6 years. The boys are school age and independent. They are off learning and building relationships with their peers at school. This does not make me sad in the least because....it is exactly how it is supposed to be.
Not surprisingly enough,I have also changed. I now have a job that is extremely rewarding and challenging that keeps me busy during school hours (let's hear for part time). It is fulfilling in a way that I actually never believed could be possible from a job. Of course, it is not all roses, I deal with people after all, but 90% of the time I really do enjoy what I do. Six years ago, I would have laughed at you if you told me I would one day have a job I loved.
Three years ago, I couldn't have fathomed not posting on here less than once a week. I craved the interaction. And to be quite honest, my ego quite liked the 20 plus comments I used to average on a post in the height of my blogging career (ha! I couldn't even type that without audibly snorting).
Lately I have been wondering why I no longer have the urge to spew drivel on here. I think this had a very integral part in my growth as a person. I have learned so much from expressing myself here and from reading so many different perspectives on the blogs of people who I consider friends.
For whatever reason, I just don't seem to be motivated any longer. I don't feel any guilt or pressure, this is my place and I have always felt it is for me to do with what I will.
It's not that I am quitting or shutting this down or even considering that. Mostly I am putting my thoughts down just like I always have.
I don't really know where this blog will go, if anywhere. I know that there are still friends who blog that I will continue to read because I would miss them otherwise. I also know that the stories that I wrote about the kids will be priceless to me always. I am also keenly aware that there is a point where it becomes a breach of my children's privacy to write about their lives here. We have reached that point for both boys for certain.
So here I am, enjoying life and continuing on the path that I believe I am supposed to be on. Stay tuned.