Friday, May 11, 2012
It's the only time in my life that I have ever been looked at with such hate and vehemence. I won't forget that. EVER.
I'll start at the beginning.
About 6 years ago, I met a girl, about my age at a mutual friend's birthday party. She lived in the same city as us, had a child close to Kamden's age (at the time - babies they were!) and didn't know a lot of people as they were new to the city.
We hit it off and I invited her to be part of a splurge group I was part of. We were just finishing a round and had open spots.
It seemed perfect. A new friend, very exciting. I am not a very outgoing person and don't meet and hit it off with people that easily.
She brought another friend into the splurge and it all seemed to be going reasonably well. Though there were observances of eye rolling and such when some of us talked about our older children. I chalked it up to the fact that preschoolers just give more fodder than toddlers and thought, whatever, they'll understand later.
It was the first time in my life that I was part of a large group and felt comfortable. The ladies were all wonderful, we had fun, we ate good food.
A well known fact about me, for those who know me, is that I am not a bubbly outgoing social butterfly. Nope. More of a wall flower, much more at ease in one on one or two on one situations. Always have been like this and my children are every ounce the same.
After a while the fact that either of them could never bother to RSVP to a gathering was getting to many of us. It was always requested. Never once did it happen. Personally, I find such things rather rude and down right uncourteous.
People are busy yes, but too busy to write a one line email, c'mon.
I was quite subtle (oozing sarcasm) when they showed up at the gathering I hosted having to frantically find chairs for them, I believe I even said, "oh I wasn't sure you would be coming as I never heard from you." Oh yes, that subtle.
It was either too subtle or as became apparent later, they just thought the whole idea of RSVPing was so not 2006.
Then came the kicker. The event that triggered a fall out that even the most pessimistic Kami could not have predicted.
A good friend was organizing a team for the an all night relay event for charity. Naturally she invited the group to join. Via email.
Most of us responded. Via email. A foreign concept for 2006? I don't think so.
Long after the team was established, said girl asked if she could still be part of it. The first question from the organizer was, didn't you get my emails? She let her know that she wasn't sure at that point if we could add another but she would do her best.
I have no idea if this played a role in the fallout or not. I had nothing to do with this part so probably not.
Later, when it came to collecting the money, again, no response from this same, now infamous girl.
By this point I had it. I mean REALLY? Is common courtesy gone by the wayside?
The funny thing is that in person, she oozed friendliness and courtesy.
*Cough* "Act* *Cough* *FAKE* *Cough*
Sorry, there I go again. I guess I still haven't learned my lesson.
I made a comment in an email to the team thanking the friend who had done all the work to organize us and collect the money to deliver. It takes work to do this even when everyone is on their game and when they are not, well, it's more work topped with frustration.
The comment I made was something to the effect of thanks, who knew it would be this much work to organize a bunch of adults.
Was it the truth? Damn straight.
Was it okay to say? Probably not. And I was told as much by one person.
All in all, it wasn't the best way to handle an already bad situation.
During the charity event I sensed serious animosity from said girl. I wasn't surprised, I knew she wouldn't have liked my comment. Of course, THAT email she read. Murphy!
The kicker though was at the end of the very long night (it was an all night event. ) I chased after her to give her something she had forgotten.
She looked at me with such hatred and venom that it still makes me ill to think about it.
I simply turned on my heel and walked away. I wasn't going to deal with at that point. No sleep. Not going to happen.
So I didn't deal with it. The next group gathering was at her place the week following. I wasn't going. I mean, why would I? It was clear she loathed my guts. I wasn't putting myself through that. Also I have zero ability to be fake and act like nothing is wrong.
Selfish. Yes, because when I wasn't there, she attacked my good friend who had organized the whole thing. In front of the entire group.
That's right folks. I still cannot believe that happened.
And this friend is one of the nicest, most loyal people I know. She did not deserve one word of the hate hurled at her.
I wasn't there so I only heard about it second hand. But from people I love and trust. It got ugly. Like into the nitty gritty about about why she felt there was no reason to RSVP to the gatherings - she didn't care how many people would come so why is it necessary. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I have not seen this girl since she looked at me with hate. And if I never see her again, it will be too soon. The whole situation is not something I can ever forget. Forgive sure, but forget, never.
She never turned up at another gathering, and if I recall right, her gathering was the end of a round. I stayed in the group one more year but the whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth and I was no longer comfortable with the whole group setting. I loved each and every one in the group, I just preferred to see them individually or in smaller groups.
After writing all this, I am not sure what my point even is. Just that it stays with me. I think I understand why it all happened but I am just making assumptions about her that are either true or false but it helps me forgive her and myself.
And I hope I have learned that stating the blunt truth is not the best option.