This weekend, I broke up with my computer, temporarily. It was like the scene with Ross and Rachel, you know the one, where she said maybe they should take a break and Ross thought she meant go for ice cream. My computer thought I was just going for ice cream but I meant see you in 48 hours, hosta la vista baby.
I have been finding that I come down (my office is in the basement) to check my email "quickly" and before I know the black hole vortex that is Twitter/Facebook/Google Reader has sucked me in for far longer than I care to admit. So this weekend, because I knew I had zero work commitments (and I don't want to even consider how long it's been since I could say that), I opted to not even hit the power button on the old laptop all. weekend. long.
The weather here was gorgeous. I know some of you might not even believe me, what with all my ranting about winter and all, but summer actually does come to this place which I not so affectionately refer to as the Arctic.
These buggers where attempting a coup on our lawn:
Dandelioness craptolus. My dandelion digger was working overtime in between running through the sprinkler with the kids and other yard work. Can I just stop to say that my husband is the greatest? Well I am gonna. The yard is looking smashing thanks to a little elbow grease on both our parts (okay, okay, so he did the hard stuff, he's got the advantage of testosterone, what can I say?)
I happy to say that there now is substantially less yellow and a whole lot more green in the lawn now. I loathe dandelions with all that I am.
The time away from the internet left me time to ponder. To reflect. To wonder.
I am a million contradictions all rolled into one.
I am simple.
I am also complicated.
I am judgmental.
I am open minded.
I hold grudges when I feel wronged (also, I suck).
I am fiercely loyal.
I also push away to guard my heart.
Over a year ago, I dropped out of splurge group that I had been part of for three years. I dropped out for many reasons but one was the fact that I had a pretty active social life. The group had morphed and changed such that the people that were close friends, I spent time with already, outside of the group. The others were lovely people, but I barely had time for those that were dear to me and for other reasons that involved guarding my already tarnished heart, I opted out of the group.
Fast forward to now and it seems, like Murphy always dictates, my social life has slowed to an (almost) dead standstill.
As I am want to do, I wonder what I have done to push people away. There have been times when I stopped calling/emailing and low and behold that person dropped out of my life. I won't lie, that hurts. I guess there is a reason but eventually I wonder how I can stop offending people or whatever it is that pushes them away so that this doesn't happen.
Then I say, screw it, I am who I am, I am not becoming someone else just to keep friends.
But then I go back to the fact that I am a work in progress, and that I know better than anyone that there is always room for improvement.
The problem is, what do I improve?
So here I am. Stuck in the middle of that dilemma. Yes, it is close to that time of the month, why do you ask?
All the while knowing that those worth keeping as friends will stick around and those not worth it will drop out of my life. I just hope there are a couple left at the end of the day, you know?
I think part of the reason for the break from the internet is the realization that this on-line community that I have the privilege of being part of is fabulous, but it is does not, in any way, replace the need for real live friendships.
But it sure is a great place to lay it all out on the line to clear your head. Thanks for listening and don't hate me for hitting mark all as read in my reader. I still loves you, I just need to maintain the fragment of sanity that is left.