Wednesday, September 08, 2010

To Find A Soulmate

Dear Jack and Kamden,

I have dreams for you, my dear boys. Not the kind you might think, like that I want you to be doctors or lawyers or neurosurgeons. Rather I want you to find that which makes you happy.

This includes finding someone to share your life with. Not that sharing your life with someone is required, because it is not. What is required, if you choose to share your life with someone, is that this person bring happiness, love and friendship to your life.

Skipping rocks

And vice versa. I got lucky and fate brought Daddy and I together. For me, your Daddy is this person. But I experienced the opposite of this for a brief time in another relationship and that relationship, still to this day, keeps from taking your Daddy for granted.

Here is my list of criteria (not exhaustive by any means):

- your partner should bring out the best in you and you in them, in fact, you should both become better people because of your relationship

- you should always feel comfortable around your partner and able to be who you are

- your partner should get you, understand your interests (not necessarily share them but respect them) and you should both support each other

- together, you should be able to laugh at the silliest of things, just because

- Seven letters: RESPECT. Both ways. Always.


This list might seem too lofty but I assure you, it is not. I believe that there is one person for everyone and if you wait, you will find them.

These are things that evolved almost immediately when Daddy and I met. We just knew that we were supposed to be together.


If you don't know if they are for you, they are not for you.

If you think that things will get better once you get married, they are not for you.

If you think that if you can just change this one little thing about them, they are not for you.

If you can't come to a decision, together, civilly, 85% of the time, they are not for you.

Being alone is preferable to being miserable and lonely with someone else. This is easy for me to say, I know, having not been alone for over 17 years but I think there are many people in the world that can vouch for it.

The key is to figure all this out before you make a life long commitment and especially before you bring kids into it. But that said, we all make mistakes and what separates the men from the boys is how you deal with them.

Because I know you will both turn your noses up at any advice I might have for you when you get to the age of dating (30 years old, of course), I will give this to you and pretend that someone else wrote it.


Love always,



Ashley said...

Beautifully written! I hope you print that out, put in an envelope for each of them and put it away. One day they're gonna need that.

Angella said...

I second Ashley. LOVE THIS.

Lori: Teacher Turned Mommy said...

perfect. but as you said it was being the wrong relationship that helps you truly appreciate the right one. You can only hope that they do not get crushed in the process, but learn and grow from each of the wrong choices they make.

The other one I always say is you shouldn't look for someone who completes you... if you aren't complete already you will find the wrong person because you aren't ready

Jen Wilson said...

SO well written! Perfect! I wish I would have read this when I started dating. Probably wouldn't have dated over half the people I did!

Elaine A. said...

This is wonderful advice and I hope and pray that they will take it, like the good boys that they are... ;)

Cheryl said...

sound words of advice..something I wish my mom had told me when I wasted 8 years with the wrong guy!!!! I have always should be the easiest thing you do with your should not be forced, should just be...

Ed said...

Aw gross, mom! Girls are icky!!!

nicole said...

Yes on the respect especially. Husband and I both lament the lack of respect we see in some freinds' marriages. Makes us crazy.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Ashley ... give them a real copy of this BEAUTIFUL letter one day. I am in LOVE with this post. Srsly.

R Royal Family said...

awww how sweet Kami and great pictures to boot!

Karen MEG said...

Oh Kami, this was just beautiful. I know your boys will learn a lot of this by osmosis anyway, but to read it like this ... gah, this gave me goosebumps. I agree with the others, this would be lovely to have it handy for when the right time comes. Written words are sometimes so much more powerful than spoken.

I might have to borrow it from you when my boys starts...assuming I'm not already too late, you know, given that he already had his first double date and all - gahhh!!! :).