Thursday, November 30, 2006

Me thoughts

I haven't posted in awhile. Candace and I were discussing our week this morning on the phone. We had the same week despite not having seen each other all week. We decided that the brochures for motherhood proclaiming how glamourous and rewarding it is were, well WRONG.

Let me explain....

Our day from about 11:30 to 12:45pm:

"Jack, it's lunch time, what do you want, a sandwich, soup, grilled cheese..." continue to list every possible thing he would ever eat for lunch in the hopes that by 12 he'll have chosen at least one of them, while Kamden is whining, "me hungy, me need food."

While he's eating lunch I try the same thing with the snack for school,

"Jack, do you want a granola bar, breadsticks and cheese, yogurt....." on and on, until by the grace of God, he carefully selects something.....


"okay, great," I patiently say, "how about TODAY? What would you like today?"

Finally, by more of God's beautiful grace, he selects something.

"Okay Jack I guess you're finished eating."

I took the hint that yes, he was, since he was chasing his brother around the living room with both of them screaming at the top of their lungs while I was cleaning up the debris from Hurricane Kamden left in the kitchen.

I am VERY observant.

"Please put your patch away and go to the bathroom, we have to leave for school in 10 min."

Repeat over the very loud din in the living room several thousand times. 3 is a thousand when you are a Mom, at least it feels like it.

Finally, more of God's grace, and we are ready to head down and don the latest in Eskimo fashion.

"Jack, please get your ski pants on while I grab socks for Kamden."
"JACK, skipants, please!'
"JAAAACK, please put on your skiiiiiiipaaaaaaants."

Tuesday - he put EVERYTHING but his skipants on claiming I said boots. I must be going crazy, I would take an oath in court that I said skipants, several thousand times. Clearly, I had vodka on the rocks for lunch rather than grilled cheese and soup like the kids. Apparently I was so hammered I didn't know what I was saying.

Fine, let's just carry your skipants, we are driving to school today and you'll be heading straight inside. No, he HAD to take EVERYTHING off and put the @##@@## skipants on. Oh, and did I mention it's already 5 min to bell. We live close, but NOT that close.

Wednesday - after repeating the skipant song - had to make it into a song or else it's just me yelling the same thing over and over and over - thngs like this save me thousands in therapy costs - I start dressing Kamden to have Jack say,

"Mommy what did you say I should do first?"

It was more of God's grace that saved me from stringing him up by his precious little toenails!

And once we get Jack to school, I only have one to deal with. Cinch you might say. Ha! Have you met Stalin's direct decendent? Yeah, that's Kamden Jaymes. I have never met a two year old who thought he ruled the roost like Kamden.

Okay, that's a lie. I have. Jack. But he's not two anymore and we forget oh, so quickly. That's more of God's grace.

Yesterday Kamden decided that we should leave Jack at school by himself rather than picking him up. Kamden wanted to go home. Or should I say Stalin Jr?

That's just one example. I have a million others.

OKAY, so there were no brochures. But somehow, before I had kids that's what I envisioned. I must have had vodka on the rocks for lunch again. Apparently it's a recurring theme.....

Oh, and I have mentioned that we are experiencing a lovely ARTIC air mass right now. Actually it's probably warmer up at the North Pole right now than here.

The air temp is -20 which is bad enough but that's just the AIR temperature. Here, we are so very lucky that we get a lovely bonus called WINDCHILL. Basically it means that with the ARTIC gales it's -800.

And the Christmas tree farm, cut your own tree thing? Forget it. We'll be heading on a nice 5 min drive to our local Sobey's and "selecting" the finest in pre-cut trees from the warmth of our van.


Anonymous said...

Now that's a Class-A rant!!
Still no snow here. It was +12 degrees today!!


Kami said...

Why thank you Conor ;-)

I thought about what I was going to say all the way to and from trudging Jack to school through 18 foot drifts of now in -800 degress weather - WITH the windchill.

I am better now.

More vodka anyone?

Kami said...

snow, not now

80's 4 ever said...

Patience. In 11 years they will both be teenagers and the only time they will interact with us at all is if they need money or a ride.

Angella said...

You had me giggling...because it sounds like MY life too :)

candace said...

I feel your pain. As You know it has been the same for us. Here's hoping it ends soon. The cold that is. I know the rest of the stuff is just begining.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes!! Enjoy it while it lasts....the cold too for that matter!! Grams

Karen MEG said...

Vodka on the rocks, eh? That'll get you through anything. And can I tell you how much I love that you made up a skipants song LOL!!!!

Classic post!!!